


The space between

by CGAdam



Category: Borderlands
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-30
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-02-15 09:15:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 31,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2223615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CGAdam/pseuds/CGAdam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Vault Hunters have left Pandora, but it's a long flight to the next Vault World, and every road trip has its anecdotes. (Mostly character bits starring the Hunters.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Leavin' in a spaceship

Maya had been on a handful of starships in her life, most of them taken in transit to Pandora from Athenas. None of them had evoked the feelings the one she was currently settling into did.

It was a lot more spacious, for one thing. The various passenger transports and liners she'd been on had been built for passenger capacity, not comfort. The first shuttle off Athenas had been little more than a flying sardine tin, every occupant literally rubbing shoulders with the person on either side for several hours. Maya's hopes for a little more personal space on the interstellar transport had been dashed when she learned the three hundred passengers would be bunking six to a miniscule room. With one co-ed communal shower for the whole passenger compliment. For two weeks.

It had been a _long_ flight _._

This ship, though...

She'd eyed the circular hull on the way in, and was reasonably certain of her estimates. The diameter of the hull was roughly five hundred feet, and she'd counted three decks as they maneuvered to dock with the underside of the hull. Even without seeing the room layout and a sloppy run-through on the math, that meant _far_ more space than seven people would need to be comfortable.

"Hey! That's the room _I_ wanted!"

 _"_ No way, bucko! I'm the engineer, _I_ get the room closest to the engines!"

Probably, anyway.

Maya stuck her head out in the hallway and looked to the left. About three doors down, Axton and Gaige were squaring off in front of one of the cabin hatches. "Why are you two fighting? We've got enough empty rooms to go around three times over, at least."

"I always bunk as close as possible to the engines," Axton complained, still glaring at Gaige. "Whenever I don't, something _always_ happens to the ship."

"You're superstitious now?" Gaige scoffed.

"It's happened four times in ten years," Axton insisted. "The first two times, we got shot down flying into contested space on a mission."

"So you flew into a war zone and got shot. It happens."

"The third time is when it got eerie," he went on. "I'd been booted out because we took on some more senior soldiers during transport to our next mission. Two hours later, the ship ran into a stray mine from a war that ended _years_ ago. Hit the bridge, blew out the hull, and killed fifty people."

"Pure coincidence!"

"The last one was the clincher for me," Axton said. "I'd just gotten married. Sarah and I were in her cabin, when out of nowhere, _BANG!_ "

"Isn't that what's _supposed_ to happen on wedding nights?" Maya asked innocently.

"Not when the 'bang' is three pirate ships attacking your carrier," Axton said grimly. "They were on us before we even saw 'em coming. The ship took on boarders, and we had to repel the bastards hand-to-hand." He grinned a little. "The space jockeys were pretty damn glad they were ferrying us along that night." His smiled grew wider. "The pirates were just as sorry they interrupted Sarah's wedding night. That lady could go to _town_ when she got pissed."

Gaige folded her arms and leaned against the door. "Nothing in that story convinces me I need to give up my room, soldier boy."

Axton sighed and tossed up his hands. "Okay, how about this. You give me this room and I'll..." he gritted his teeth, "I'll let you take apart one of my turrets to study, so long as you don't break it."

She straightened up, arms dropping to her sides. "You're serious?"

"Promise," Axton said gloomily. "Full deconstruction, too, not just digging through my ECHO to get the specs."

Maya covered her mouth to hide her smile as Gaige began to practically salivate at the idea of examining Axton's precious turret. "Doesn't that mean you'd be the first non-Dahl member to get a detailed look at the insides of one of those, Gaige?"

"Yes." Gaige's voice was torn as she considered. "I know _some_ of the details, but the deep level workings are trade secrets." She glanced at the door behind her and tossed her hands up. "Fine, you can take the room. But I get to play with your turret for at _least_ two weeks!"

"Two weeks?" Salvador's voice drifted out from his open door, and a second later, his head appeared. "Is this trip gonna take that long?"

They glanced at each other for a second. "Actually, I don't know," Maya realized. "We haven't set a course yet." She looked around the hall. "Have Zero or Cassidy picked out quarters?"

"Actually, I think they headed straight for the bridge," Gaige said, starting off down the hall. "Come on, let's get up there." As she walked past one of the doors, she gave it several quick _thumps_ with her metal fist. "Krieg! Get out here, we're picking what planet to go to!"

"Delicious!" The cabin door slid open, and Krieg bounded out into the hall. "I'll get my carving knives ready to dice the turkey!"

Maya kept pace next to Axton as Gaige and Krieg hurried off to the elevator. "Tell me something," she said. "Why pearlescent?"

"What?"

"You called it a pearelscent level starship," Maya said. "You remember how we tend to react when we get a piece of gear like that?"

Axton thought for a second, smiling. "I remember you reading four passages praising six different gods in three languages."

"It's not just _me_ ," Maya said hastily, blushing slightly. "When Salvador got a pearlescent, he wept tears of joy for an hour."

"It was a gun that reloaded _while_ I was shooting!" Salvador protested. "How could I _not?_ "

"When Gaige got one, she jumped up and down and squealed for fifteen minutes."

"Yeah, that was cute."

"And I seem to recall _you_ actually slept with yours," Maya went on. "In fact, I distinctly remember that you somehow almost shot your face off in your sleep."

"Good times," Axton said dryly. "Your point?"

"If I'm to have, as Gaige calls it, a 'lootgasm' over our new ship, I'd like to know why. What makes it that good?"

Axton shuddered. "First off, don't use that word again. It works when Gaige says it, but on you it just sounds... wrong."

" _Muy_ creepy," Salvador agreed.

"And for your question..." he trailed off as they reached the elevator, considering what to say. "Do you know anything about ships?"

"I know Sanctuary was buried in the ground for thirty years and I loathe cheap transports."

"So no." The lift doors slid open and the five of them piled in. "Well, the short version is that this model of ship is almost nonexistent on the public market these days, and it's because they were just so damn _good_."

"How's that, now?"

"When the HarrFord company produced this line, the goal was to make it a highly modifiable flying luxury fortress," Axton explained. "They set up a basic hull design, then let the buyer custom order the interior layout, the weapons package, everything. And they also included enough other perks that once you had your ship, you'd never have to make planetfall again if you didn't want to." He rubbed the elevator wall fondly as the lift began to ascend. "If you had a 7700, you were basically king of wherever you went."

"So why are they so scarce?" Maya asked. "Didn't they live up to their reputation?"

"I'm guessing money," Gaige offered. "Probably overcharged themselves into bankruptcy."

"Nope," Axton said, shaking his head. "They just sold to the wrong group. HarrFord got an order for something like a hundred ships, all with maximum weapon loadouts and tricked out to the gills with every extra imaginable. When the buyers came to the shipyards to pick them up, they turned out to be a band of mercs gone _seriously_ rogue."

Maya winced. "Oh dear."

"The mercs tried to steal the ships and kill the dockworkers, but it didn't go like they planned." Axton sighed. "Before they were slaughtered, a handful of the workers managed to start engine overloads on every ship in the production yard. Blew the whole place and everyone in it straight to hell. With the loss of their primary shipyard, and no way to recoup their losses, HarrFord ended up closing its doors less then a year later."

"Leaving a handful of these babies flying around," Gaige said. "I wonder how One got hold of it?"

The elevator slid to a halt as they reached the bridge. "Maybe Cassidy-" Maya's voice broke off as the door slid completely open. "Oh, my _god._ "

A vast transparent dome surrounded them, putting the entire galaxy on display. The narrow crescent of Pandora's rim peeked over the edge of the hull. Nothing interfered with the view of the stars beyond, no metallic struts, no hull, no glow of a forcefield. There wasn't even an artificial light fixture to be seen, leaving the area illuminated by the light of the stars and reflected from Pandora itself.

It was like walking in open space.

"Galactic beauty, Impressively majestic." Zero's voice echoed throughout the dome. "A stunning display."

"That's putting it mildly," Maya said. She kept turning around as she moved across the room, trying to drink in the entire view at once.

"Seems like style over substance," Gaige scoffed. She sounded impressed, but far less awed than Maya. "A dome like this doesn't offer a whole lot of protection in a firefight, for one thing. That goes double if this really _is_ the bridge, too. One lucky shot, the whole place decompresses, and you've lost your command center."

"Not likely," Axton disagreed. "HarrFord didn't make second-rate ships. If this dome is here, it's artistic _and_ functional. I'd bet if you check the specs, you'd find it could take a hit from a nuke and still be fine."

"Accurate assessment," Cassidy's voice called out. "This dome is designed to absorb any damage without detriment." A white-orange glow filtered into the air, illuminating a throne-like chair in the center of the room, the sole furnishing of the whole deck. The figure seated in it waved her hands, and several more glowing holographic panels flashed into existence, making a veritable wall of light. "Moreover, the command is mobile. Maneuvers and operational minutiae can be managed from anywhere."

"And we do have shields," Zero added. "Fear not for your safety, Gaige. We can take a hit."

"Fine, fine." Gaige glanced at Axton as the group headed toward the center of the room. "How do you know so much about these ships, anyway?"

"One, I'm a guy. That means knowing about high performance machines is in my blood," Axton quipped. "Two, I spent a lot of time being ferried from war to war on ships, meaning there were space jockeys around _all_ the time, and they'd talk ships for hours if you let 'em. I picked up a lot just from their chatter." He stared up at the dome as they reached Cassidy's chair. "I'm actually a little surprised you _don't_ know about this ship, little miss 'I'm the engineer.'"

"Give me a week and I'll know this ship better than the designers," Gaige retorted. "What are you up to, Cassidy?"

"Inputting information and taking inventory," Cassidy said. Her fingers danced through the air, leaving trails of light behind. "Crew compliment and celestial charts required changes, while supply status needed assessing." With one last flourish, all but one of the glowing screens vanished. "It's complete. The ship is set to do whatever we will it."

"Then let's get goin'!" Salvador punched his fist into his palm. "Let's head straight for the closest Vault world and open that sucker up!"

"Sounds like a plan," Maya agreed. "Cassidy, please bring up the star chart from the Vault Key and overlay our current position."

Cassidy nodded and waved her hands again.

Maya gasped in shock, and several others let out similar noises of surprise. The galaxy had erupted into the room, filling the entire dome. Solar systems whirled around them, detailed marble-sized planets spinning around burning fist-sized suns. As Maya spun around, dazed by the starfield, she saw many of the blue orbs had Vault symbols floating over them.

"I take my place in the heavens," Krieg said. His normally savage voice sounded hushed and almost reverent. "Here, we are the gods."

"I integrated the information into our navigation interface," Cassidy explained. "To which world shall we wend our way?"

Salvador looked around at the floating spheres. "This one's closest," he pointed out. As he gestured to the image of the planet, it expanded to the size of a basketball, and words blazed around it. "Huh. This says it's pretty much an empty rock, though. No air."

"We can't go to a dead moon for our first new Vault!" Gaige insisted. "We need something _exciting_ to tell the others about when we call! Here!" She touched another planet's image. "The database says this is a jungle world. Tell me _that_ wouldn't be cool!"

"Sure, trudging through a humid jungle again," Axton said flatly. "Like we didn't get enough of that back in Aegrus. Plus, it's really close to a major shipping lane. Someone might have started developing it by now." He tapped another planet on the other side of the room. "This one looks good. It's got a nice temperature, it's out of the way, and-"

" _This_ one."

The others turned. "What was that, Maya?"

Maya passed her hand through one of the planets, almost at the edge of the dome. It grew until it hovered in her palm, a strange mottled-blue color. "This is where we should go first."

Salvador trotted over and peered at the words floating over his head. "It says here no one's been to that planet in fifty years. That means we'd have a clear shot at it, at least."

"Yeah, but that's a _long_ way out there," Axton protested. "If this map's to scale, that trip will take _months_."

"Six weeks of flight time," Zero corrected. "The engines on this vessel Are _extremely_ fast."

"That's still a long time to spend cooped up, even in a comfortable ship," Axton complained. "I'd know, I've done it before."

"Yeah, yeah, you've been all over getting taken to wars," Gaige snapped. More calmly, she asked, "Why that one, Maya?"

"I'm... I'm not really sure," Maya admitted, shaking her head. "It's just... I look at this world, and I feel like it's where we _should_ go." She shrugged. "Sorry."

"Well, let's put it to a vote," Axton said. " _I_ vote we head for my little planet over there. The one that's ten days away, instead of forty-two."

"The far-flung sun!" Krieg snarled. "Across the ocean I will go!"

"Why am I not surprised," Axton said dryly. "Who else? Gaige?"

"Mmmmm..." Gaige glanced back and forth between the two holograms. "You already got one thing outta me today, soldier. I'm with Maya on this one." She grinned. "Besides, six weeks of travel time means I can have two full weeks to mess around with your turret. If I pick your little world, I might get halfthat before I'd have to start putting it back together."

"Little twerp," Axton grumbled. "All right, then. What about you, Zero? What's your vote?"

Zero shrugged. "No real preference," he said. "If I were _forced_ to decide, I would say closer."

"Two-three," Gaige said. "What about you, Cass?"

" _Me?_ " Cassidy squeaked. "I'm no mighty hunter, merely the pilot."

"Yeah, you're the _pilot,_ " Gaige stressed. "So _as_ the pilot, what's your opinion on where we fly to?"

Cassidy looked between the two holographic worlds. "Um..."

"Don't sweat it, _pilota_ ," Salvador interrupted suddenly. "I vote we head out here, too."

"Are you _serious_ , man?" Axton looked unhappily at him. "I figured you'd want to get back to shooting things as fast as you could."

"I've been shooting things my whole life," Salvador retorted. "I've never ridden in anything this comfy, though. I wanna _enjoy_ it."

Axton sighed and tossed his hands in the air. "Okay, I'm outvoted. Let's go to the edge of the galaxy. I just hope you all don't go stir crazy on each other."

Maya sighed and blinked as the hologram disappeared. She felt like a strange weight had been lifted from her mind. "Thanks, guys."

"No sweat, _chica,_ " Salvador assured her. "We got your back."

"I'd gut a snow lizard for you!" Krieg proclaimed.

Gaige made a face. "Bleah. And with that mental image, what say we get going?"

Maya nodded and turned back to the center of the room. "We've got our destination, navigator. Let's go hunting."

Cassidy waved her hands and the wall of glowing panels reappeared. Another quick sequence of gestures, and a low hum filled the ship as the engines began to power up. With one last flourish, the ship spun away from Pandora flew into the dark emptiness, heading for the edge of space.

The small crew stood quietly for a few minutes, watching the stars drift past. Finally, Salvador cleared his throat. "Anyone up for poker?"

* * *

[And so the trip begins. New chapters of this little interquel (or Presequel, as they're apparently called in the BL universe) will be up roughly Saturday morning/Friday night, depending on your part of the world. Hope ya like, and thanks for reading!]


	2. At home on the range

Games » Borderlands » **The space between**  
---  
|  Author: CGAdam  
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| Rated: T - English - General/Humor - Reviews: 3 - Published: 08-29-14 - Updated: 09-06-14 | id:10656698  
---|---  
  
Zero aimed down his sights carefully, lining up his target. It seemed smaller than normal, but that was because normally he'd be looking at it with a 10x or 20x scope on a sniper rifle. Today, it was a 4.4x on an SMG. He stretched his finger towards the trigger...

A low whistle echoed throughout the chamber. "A Bandit SMG from five hundred yards? You _do_ like a challenge, don't you?"

Other people would have dropped their gun or hesitated in firing. Zero simply squeezed the trigger, moving the barrel in a smooth, steady pattern until the enormous clip ran dry. At the far end of the shooting range, a very exact sequence of holes appeared in the target.

Zero lowered the SMG, allowing himself a small measure of satisfaction. "Less accurate gun, But far more rapid, as well." He tapped a few buttons on a small keypad next to him, and the SMG vanished in a burst of light. "Lots of holes to make."

Maya took the shooting stall next to Zero. "Well, from what's visible from here, it looks like you hit the target with everything." She punched in her own selection and a Maliwan SMG resolved into her hand. "Mind if I join you? I haven't been shooting since we left Pandora." She pressed a button and a paper target dropped down from the ceiling. "A week without firing a single bullet. I didn't expect to miss it this much."

"The range is right here," Zero pointed out. "You could have practiced before." He entered a new command, and an automatic pistol dropped into his palm. "Why wait until now?"

"Catching up on my reading. This ship came with a great library." She fired of a burst of rounds, then winced. "Ouch. Forgot how loud a shooting range gets." She turned a dial on the wall and fired again. This time, the gun only made a few minute popping sounds while firing. "Much better. Simulated weapons offer some nice perks."

"We are both aware You _like_ shooting as much as Reading a good book," Zero pointed out, tracing a pattern into his target. "But reading does not _Relax_ the mind like shooting." Zero's pistol vanished, and was quickly replaced by an assault rifle."What's bothering you?"

Maya gave Zero a half surprised, half impressed look. "Am I really that obvious, or are you just that good?" Without waiting for an answer, she fired downrange. "The thing is, Z, I'm not sure _what's_ bothering me. I just know I've been getting edgier and edgier for the past couple days. Ah, man!" Her last shot had gone slightly off the mark. "I should've been coming down here _every_ day." She reset the target and lined up again.

"Could you be fearing This world another false trail, Bereft of all truth?" Several short, sharp volleys punctuated Zero's words. "You left Pandora Without any clues to your Siren lineage."

Maya slapped her SMG onto the chest high shelf in the booth hard enough that a _crack_ echoed through the range. "Someday, I am going to disable the setting that lets all ECHOs play whenever anyone touches them." She sighed. "Yes, that's part of it. Between stopping Hyperion and getting caught up in all Pandora's adventures, I never _did_ find the answers I went there for." She crossed her arms and leaned on the wall, a grouchy expression on her face. "Of course, it doesn't help that we ended up having to destroy the only thing that _might_ have given me any kind of clue."

Abruptly, Maya digistructed another target and gun. This time, however, it was a large gauge shotgun, and she didn't lower the volume on it. "I'm worried, Zero." She fired, blowing a messy chunk out of the target downrange. "I'm not like other people." _Blam_ "I was different enough that a church-" _Boom_ "-went out of their way to raise me as their personal weapon." _Bang_ "I can kill or bend people to my will with my _mind."_ _ka-Boom_ "I have no idea _why_ I am this way, and it's starting to _look_ -" _Blam Blam_ click "-like I never _will!_ " Maya hurled the shotgun at the target. It detonated, eliminating the rest of the shredded silhouette.

Maya turned to Zero, breathing heavily. "Are you up for a new challenge? Something that you've never tried before?"

Zero sighted carefully and fired another muffled burst. "You would ask my help In solving the mystery Of your lineage."

"This is why I'm asking you," Maya said dryly. "A mind that can think up haikus on the spot _has_ to be useful in trying to solve a mystery."

"True."

"There's one other reason, too. You're a clever one, but you're also just plain smart." She crossed her arms and leaned against the wall. She stared at him with a slightly challenging expression. "That fancy electronic brain of yours gives you a substantial advantage over we mere organics."

Zero's head whipped around, symbols racing across his faceplate so rapidly they were difficult to make out. Finally he asked, "How long...?"

"Have I known you were an android?" Maya finished. "I was leaning that way for a long time, but I didn't know for sure until Cassidy showed up. There were just too many odd similarities between the two of you for you _not_ to be an android." She shrugged. "That, plus Gaige let a word or two slip that didn't make sense unless you were a synthetic lifeform."

Zero sighed and resumed firing at the target. "Does everyone know?"

"If they do, they haven't told me," Maya assured him. "I think it's just Gaige and me, and neither one of us is talking." She rubbed the blue markings on her left arm. "I'm not exactly one to point out how unusual the circumstances of someone else's existence are. Until you decide to share the truth, I won't spread it around."

"So why show your awareness Of my true nature?"

"For a level playing field," she replied. "I could be asking a lot of you, Zero. I'm not going to do that without total equality between us. It's only fair."

"Have you sought out Cassidy's aid in your search? She's also quite smart."

Maya shook her head. "She's too naïve, or at the very least, too young. She hasn't developed your keen wit." She watched as Zero put another series of holes in his target. "Plus, I think she's got a little too much of Gaige in her personality to make a good detective." A slightly disgruntled expression crossed Maya's face. "She reads the last page of a mystery _first._ You just don't _do_ that."

Zero opted to ignore the slight on his sister and began to pull the target back from the end of the range. "What manner of help Would you require of me In seeking your truth?"

"I'm not really sure," Maya admitted. "To start with... I guess just watch for something you might not otherwise notice when we get to the next Vault world. We can deal with anything else as it comes." She shrugged. "Although if we happen to come across an ancient Eridian... _anything_ , maybe we try to bring it down without killing it. You never know what we might learn if we could study it."

Zero finished reeling in his target and examined it closely, rubbing his chin. "Hm."

Maya tossed her hands up in exasperation. "Would it help if I offered your pick of whatever loot I find?"

"A difficult task Is a suitable challenge," Zero said calmly. He removed the target from its clip, rolled it up, and handed it to Maya. "And its own reward." Without waiting for a reply, he walked out of the target range.

Maya watched him go, puzzled by his sudden departure. She glanced down at the paper Zero had handed her and found it wasn't actually a target, but a large sheet of blank paper. She unrolled it to examine, and her mouth dropped open.

A few weeks back, the Vault Hunters had fought and killed an enormous bullymong. Shortly after, they had posed for a group photo in front of its remains.

Zero had drawn it on a sheet of paper three feet wide, but not with ink or paint. Every detail was transcribed in bullet holes, as flawlessly as if it were done by hand, and on a target that was too wide to fit the lane horizontally.

He'd done it with the paper turned _sideways_.

"Difficult and its own reward," Maya finally said, a smile beginning to work its way onto her face. "And well worth the effort."

* * *

[It's true, actually. Shooting a gun can be very relaxing.]  


[Next up, a much longer chapter featuring the wayward travels of everyone's favorite dual-wielding space-mexican crazy man. Thanks for reading!]


	3. SOMETHING CLEVER!!!

The seventh day the Vault Hunters had left Pandora in their new ship, Salvador overheard a conversation that puzzled and troubled him.

On the eighth night, as he was drifting off to sleep, he came to a decision about it.

The ninth morning, he got started.

For the first time since he'd known them, Salvador woke up earlier than his friends. He wanted to start his little project before anyone could catch wind of it, and with all their quarters being on the same deck of the ship, that meant slipping out before anyone else was up and moving.

Salvador stuck his head out the door and looked up and down the corridor. This was the 'crew deck', as Zero had called it, where all the personal cabins resided. The other doors were still closed, and the overhead lights still at their 'nighttime' setting. He slipped out and walked quickly down the passageway, keeping his steps light.

"Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work you go?"

Salvador winced. _Not quiet enough, but it could be worse._ "Morning, Krieg."

Krieg stepped into the hallway, yawning behind his mask. "Healthy, wealthy, and wise today, Doc?"

"I'm just getting an early start on something," Salvador said. "Do me a favor, _amigo?_ If Gaige asks, I'm still asleep."

What little of Krieg's face was visible looked puzzled. "What manner of creature is this?"

"If I can pull it off, I'll explain later," Salvador promised. "Oh, and if you see Zero in a few hours, let him know I need him for something."

"Cry if you want to," Krieg said, shrugging. "My tapeworm is hungry." With that, he headed in the opposite direction, towards the galley/mess area of the crew deck.

Salvador managed to get into the elevator at the end of the deck without running into any of the others and keyed the lift for the bridge.

The Vault Hunters' ship was simply arranged: a circular center main hull, mounted by engines in the aft section and weapons on wing-like extensions on either side. The two drop craft were slung at the lowest point of the main hull, waiting to be detached for planetary landing. Right now, Salvador's goal was the very highest point of the ship, the main bridge.

The elevator doors slid open, and Salvador stepped under the infinity.

The highest level of the ship was the most spacious place on the ship. It had started off almost completely empty, a wide open area capped with a transparent dome that stretched almost the entire width of the ship, putting the galaxy on magnificent display. It had been quickly adopted as the common area of the ship, with each of the Hunters bringing up some kind of lounging apparatus. Personal items had also began to creep into the area: a pile of books near Maya's recliner, a handful of tools near Gaige's shapeless bean-bag, and a gun cleaning kit left on Axton's bolted-down chair. Salvador ignored his own armchair for now and headed for the throne-like seat in the direct center of the dome.

"How's it going, _pilota?_ All quiet on the night shift?"

The chair swung around to face him, and their navigator came into view behind a wall of holographic screens. "Smooth sailing through the silence of space," Cassidy replied. She waved a hand, and the various images vanished. "You're on an excursion earlier than expected. What brings you wandering my way?"

"I need a little help," Salvador said. "You know a lot of stuff, right?"

"An accurate assessment."

"And you know how to run every piece of gear on this ship better than anyone, no?"

"Yes."

"Great!" Salvador held out a book. "Page twenty-three. Can you help me make it?"

Cassidy gave the tome a dubious look, but leafed through to the page Salvador had indicated. When she reached it, she raised an eyebrow and looked at him, very confused. "Is there a practical purpose for preparing this?"

Salvador shrugged. "I wouldn't say _practical_ ," he admitted, "but it's for Gaige. She's been a little bummed the past couple days, and I think this would cheer her up." He glanced back at the elevator, making sure it wasn't rising up from the floor. "Just don't tell anyone about it. I wanna surprise her."

Cassidy looked at him for a minute, then nodded. "Alright, _amigo._ Call me your collaborator. Are you using nutrient paste or not?"

Salvador made a face. Axton had extolled the virtues of the gooey, hard traveling, lightweight, nigh-indestructible foodstuff for days, and he did have a point. It _could_ be made to look and taste like almost anything, and it did have everything the human body needed to stay healthy.

Even so... "Not," Salvador said firmly. "That stuff's okay for regular meals, but it's not right for this."

"If you say so." She handed the book back to him. "Scrounge up the supplies and go to the galley. I'll meet you momentarily."

"Great!" Salvador headed back for the elevator. "See you in fifteen."

The elevator took him back to the crew deck as quickly as it had taken him to the bridge. Sal hurried down the curved corridor, relieved to see everyone's doors still showing locked down for the night.

The crew deck was laid out so that every section was easy to get to. The passenger cabins were all grouped next to each other, leading into the main corridor. After the cabins came the laundry area (a waste of space, in Salvador's opinion), the 'mess' deck (ship's cafeteria, where Krieg was eating his breakfast), then the galley, where the food was actually prepared.

Salvador slipped into the galley and closed the door. "Computer?"

{ **System online. Awaiting inquiry.}**

Why the designers had chosen to give the ship such an intimidating voice for all its functions, Salvador didn't understand. He ignored it for now, though. "I need some stuff, computer." He opened the cookbook and read off the ingredients. "We got all that on board?"

**{Affirmative. Alert: this item will draw from your non-nutrient paste allocation.}**

"Big deal," Salvador shrugged. "Just start pulling ingredients. And heat up whatever we need to cook this stuff."

**{Acknowledged. Beginning supply retrieval.}**

Salvador boosted himself onto one of the many metal counters and whistled to kill the time, watching as the ship's automated system began to pull things from its stores. He didn't know exactly how it worked, despite Gaige gushing over the small drones that scurried on wheels or slid on rails throughout the ship. He didn't really care, either. The ship was getting the stuff he'd asked for, and that was enough.

By the time Cassidy arrived a few minutes later, the computer had arranged the last of the supplies and the oven was preheating. "Perfect timing," Salvador said. "What's first?"

"Digital decontamination," Cassidy said, wrinkling her nose and pointing to a sink. "Your hands are hardly hygienic. You'll contaminate your confection if you don't clean carefully."

Salvador looked down at his hands. "What? It's just gun oil and stuff. Nothing unusual."

"You're giving Gaige a gift," Cassidy reminded him. "Something you desire her to delight in devouring." She held up his hand, pointing to the various stains and grime. "I doubt she'd deem _this_ delicious."

"Okay, okay," Salvador agreed, grumbling just a little. "You make sure we've got what we need." He hopped off the counter and walked over to the sink. "What about you?" he asked, turning on the water. "Do you need to wash up?"

"Dirt flees from forcefields," Cassidy replied, a trace of smugness in her tone. "I'm constantly clean."

"Whatever, robo _chica._ "

Cassidy arranged the ingredients quietly for a moment as Salvador washed his hands in the sink. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Why are you undertaking this task? You usually shoot stuff." She looked at him a little guiltily. "I'm sorry for saying it's so, but I wouldn't have anticipated your awareness of someone's subdued spirits."

Salvador grunted and dried his hands. "Because of _mi_ _abuela._ She always told me, 'Help your family however you can.' Back home, that meant shooting lots of bad guys."

"And out here, it means kitchen crafting," she finished. "I guess we'll see if it works."

Cassidy proved to be a very good choice of help. Between deft hands and skillful manipulation of the kitchen equipment, Salvador's project was in the oven and cooking before anyone else had even stumbled into the mess hall for their first cup of coffee.

" _Muy bien,_ " Salvador commented, looking through the oven door. "How long before it's ready?"

"Only an hour," Cassidy assured him, wiping down the countertop. "The computer will call you when it's completely cooked." She jabbed a finger at him. " _Don't_ turn my creation into coal. Capiche?"

"Crystal clear, Cass," Salvador assured her. " _Gracias_."

" _De nada_ ," she replied, heading out the door and waving over her shoulder. "Make sure to mention later if M- Gaige munched merrily on it."

The cooking time passed slowly. Salvador used the time to get his own breakfast, but ate in the galley instead of the messdeck- he still didn't want to run into anyone yet. He was just starting to drift into a post-breakfast coma when the oven timer _ding_ ed.

**{Cooking time elapsed. Confectionery creation complete.}**

Salvador rolled his eyes and grabbed the oven door. "Maya's right, it's _gotta_ be contagious." He pulled the door down and inhaled deeply. "Ah, that smells _perfect_. Stage one, _finito_." He slipped the steaming item onto a tray and covered it with a lid to keep the heat in and the object out of sight. "Now, on to stage two."

He headed back down to the elevator and keyed for the next deck down. Counting from the bridge, this was the third level down, the recreation deck.

While the dome had become the common area of the ship, the third deck was where the Vault Hunters defaulted to spending most of their time. Salvador poked his head into the room closest to the elevator, the ship's library. It was empty, but that didn't surprise him. Maya was the only one who had shown any enthusiasm for such an outdated form of entertainment. He certainly hadn't expected to find Zero there. At this hour, he was usually on the other side of the ship.

Although with a ship full of slightly psychotic treasure hunters, it was never safe to take anything for granted.

As Salvador headed around the curved hall, he heard a voice call out from the next room.

"Sal! That you, man?"

 _Crap._ Salvador stopped just short of the door and leaned into view, trying to keep the covered silver tray out of sight. "Hey, Ax. _Que pasa?_ "

"I'm glad to see you," Axton said, setting down one of the heavy weights he was holding. He had stripped down to shorts and a tank top, and sweat glistened on his body in testament to his exertions. "I've been doing free weights for the past hour, I'm overdue for my bench press session. Come spot for me." He stood and struck a pose, showing off his muscles. "Can't let all this go to waste, ya know?"

"Maybe later, _hermano_ ," Salvador replied, doing his best to keep the tray level behind his back as he sidled down the hall. "On a personal mission right now." He turned and trotted away before Axton could get a good look at his carrying case.

"Since when do you do anything personal that doesn't involve guns?!"

Salvador ignored the question walked on quickly. He _really_ didn't want Axton to catch a whiff of what he was carrying. After an hour long workout, _anything_ looked tasty to him, especially something this sweet and fluffy. Fortunately, there were only two more rooms Salvador had to check, and the more likely of the two was closer.

The door to this particular room wasn't like a standard door on the ship. This was more like one of the airlock hatches, double layered, sealed, and, most importantly, soundproofed. As soon as Salvador keyed for access, he knew he'd found Zero.

As the heavy door slid open, a cacophony of gunfire filled his ears. It brought a smile to Salvador's face. He'd always felt most relaxed on the ship's shooting range. The sounds and smells of a firearm at work were soothing to someone that had learned to shoot before he could walk.

Zero was about three lanes down from the door, a sniper rifle snugged up against his shoulder. He was firing in a steady, precise rhythm, virtually machine-like in its exactitude. The result at the end of the lane, however, was something else. "Mornin' Z," Salvador said, squinting at the target. "Who's up today? That's a little farther than I usually shoot."

Zero stopped firing and clicked the safety on his rifle. "Commando Axton Rendered by my gun today." He pushed a button and the target started sliding down the rail towards them. "I have just finished."

Salvador looked at the bullet portrait as it slid closer. Maya had shown them the bullet version of their group photo Zero had crafted, and pestering from the others had lead to him agreeing to shoot bullethole profiles of everyone individually. "Lookin' good, _amigo_." He squinted at the picture. "Don't think he's ever that clean shaven, though."

"Beard stubble like that Requires my _little_ gun," Zero said dryly. "What brings you my way?"

"I need a favor," Salvador put the silver tray next to Zero's gun and pulled the lid off. A puff of steam and mouth-watering aroma drifted into the room. "Can you cut this up for me?"

Zero looked at the food item for a minute, then up at Salvador, a '?' on his faceplate. "Are you kidding me? Why do you want _me_ to cut it? You could carve a-"

"It's for Gaige," Salvador interrupted. "I dunno why, but she thought this was impossible. I thought I'd show her it wasn't."

Zero looked down at the tray, then back up at Salvador and shrugged. "The odd things we do When it comes to companions." He picked up the knife on the tray and make a few quick slashes. "Is that sufficient?"

"Perfect!" Salvador said happily, taking the knife back and covering the tray again. "Good luck with the bullet-painting."

 _Stage two complete,_ Salvador thought as he stepped back into the hall. _Now, I just have to find Gaige._

That one seemed straightforward enough, at least. Gaige had fallen in love with the ship's engine room about two seconds after she'd laid eyes on it. Salvador knew for a fact she was practically living in there, and expected no trouble finding her. He continued on his way down the curving hall, headed for the engine room access. As the most critical part of the ship, every deck of the ship had at least one door into engineering.

As the arguably most _dangerous_ area of the ship, the engines were mounted as far back as possible, away from everything else.

Salvador's path took him past the other handful of rooms on the deck. The first was a lounge, a room with a large TV and a few chairs. The second was a room with a few bikes that didn't go anywhere and a small piece of never-ending road. The third was the gymnasium. He meant to just walk right past it, but circumstances seemed to be toying with him that morning.

The door was open as Salvador went by. A flash of motion caught his eye, he glanced in reflexively... and slowed to an unintended halt.

The bulk of the room's floor was covered with blue mats to cushion a fall. An assortment of balance beams, pommel horses, and spring boards littered the room, while several sets of rings dangled from the ceiling by thick, heavy straps. Standing at one end of the gym, back to Salvador and clad in a pair of skintight blue shorts and sports bra, was Maya. Salvador couldn't see much of her face, but her entire body was comfortably taut, the eager tension of an athlete about to move.

Maya sprinted towards a nearby springboard, her feet barely seeming to touch the mats. She hit the end and leapt into the air, hands outstretched as she floated towards a set of the hanging rings. As her fingers grazed their surface, she threw her momentum into a spin, looping around the rings several times, her speed building with each revolution. Maya kept picking up speed until she was a blur, then hurled herself back into the air, arcing towards a set of staggered horizontal bars.

She caught the higher of the bars as she fell, her impact resounding through the room in a loud _crack_. Salvador winced at the noise, but Maya didn't even seem to notice. Again, she turned her momentum into a swing, spinning around the bar several times, finally stopping on top of the bar in a handstand. With a small sound of exertion, she lowered her body while remaining vertical until her chin touched the bar. Then, with an energy that still managed to catch Salvador off guard, Maya threw herself upward, releasing the bar with one hand and spinning 180 degrees on the palm of the other. Just quickly, she grabbed the bar with both hands again and went into another set of revolutions, faster with each one.

He counted five before she launched herself again, but this time, it wasn't towards any equipment. Maya folded her arms against her chest, going into a rapid spin, peaked, and arced back towards the floor. Her feet hit the mats lightly, knees bent, and she stood straight, arms up in a 'Y' position.

Salvador found himself wanting to clap, but his hands were still occupied with serving tray. He contented himself with a whistle that echoed around the gymnasium and got Maya to turn towards him. "Now, that was _impressive,"_ he complimented her. "You never did that back on Pandora."

Maya smiled, shrugged, and scooped a towel up from the floor. "Not much chance to," she said, wiping her face. "Running, sure. Jumping, sometimes. But I never got a chance to use my gymnastics skills, outside of the occasional dismount from a bandit technical."

"Doesn't look like you've lost anything," Salvador offered, walking into the room. "I could watch you do that all day."

She cocked an eyebrow at smirked at him, one hand on a hip. "Oh, really?"

Abruptly, Salvador realized he'd been running his eyes over Maya's body. Just as quickly, he realized she was wearing a lot less clothing than normal. "Uh, I mean-"

"Don't sweat it," Maya laughed. "I know what you meant." She padded across the floor, patting him on the shoulder as she headed for the door. "Come by anytime." She glanced at the tray in his hands and frowned slightly in confusion. "I don't understand why you're carting food around with you, though. What's up?"

"Huh?" Salvador's train of thought managed to get itself back on track. "Oh! It's for Gaige. I was heading for the engine room when you, uh, distracted me."

"Oh, is that what happened?" Maya teased. "Well, you're right, I think she's been in there for the past couple days." She sighed, her smile dimming slightly. "Poor girl's been a little depressed lately."

"I know," Salvador said, chest swelling a little. "I heard you two talking the other day, and _I_ figured out a way to cheer her up." He held up the tray and headed for the door. "That's what this is for!" He hurried down the hall before Maya could say anything else.

Or he made the mistake of letting his eyes linger again.

The engine room wasn't much further along. Salvador walked up to the heavy door, pressed the 'Open' switch with his elbow-

And tried not to stagger as a tidal wave of sound crashed into his face.

Zero in the shooting range had been loud. The Warrior bellowing its rage at them had been loud. This was a cacophony, an auditory assault the level of which Salvador had never experienced. It wasn't the engines themselves; as Sal understood it, there weren't many actual moving parts to the stardrive. This was loud, raucous, violent, angry and defiant, while somehow being mournful at the same time.

 _Gaige must've wired her music into the comm system._ Taking a deep breath and gritting his teeth, Salvador forged ahead, hoping his eardrums would survive until he could find Gaige.

The engine room was fairly large, and always confused him. It seemed to be all beeping consoles, with the occasional glowing mysterious object and steel catwalks thrown around everywhere.

He found Gaige on one of the catwalks, spying her before she saw him.

Her back was to him, and she was facing the biggest of the glowing spheres in the room. She wasn't just staring forlornly into the light, though. Her metal fist pumped into the air in time with the music, and her head whipped up and down at the same time. She was also doing some kind of side-to-side hopping dance. Then she spun around, and Salvador saw she was singing her lungs out, eyes clenched shut and a wrench held to her mouth like a microphone.

_Girls keep surprising me today._

Salvador couldn't do anything to get her attention. The music was so loud, he doubted she would even hear him yell. Honestly, he wasn't sure he _wanted_ to get her attention that way.

He didn't have long to ponder, though. The song ran out a few seconds later, blessed silence descended around them, and Gaige opened her eyes. She caught sight of him, and her mouth dropped halfway to the deckplates. _"Sal!"_

He offered her a weak grin. " _Hola, hermana._ Am I interrupting?"

Gaige's face went crimson, and she slapped her ECHO unit, cutting off the next song before more than a few notes had leaked out. "What are you _doing_ in here?!" she demanded, sliding down the catwalk's ladder. She landed right in front of him and put her hands on her hips, blushing but determined. "And how long were you watching?!"

"Just a few seconds," he said hastily. "I came to cheer you up." He balanced the tray one hand and rubbed at his ear theatrically. "If your music is a hint, you could use it."

"Hey, come on," Gaige protested. "Empires fall, suns burn out, and galaxies fade away, but punk _never_ dies."

"If you say so," Salvador replied. "You got a table in here somewhere? Feels like I've been carrying this thing all day."

"Sure, over here." Gaige led him to small workbench and removed a few tools. "What is it, anyway?"

"Something you thought was impossible," Salvador said smugly. "Now, don't get mad, but I overheard you and Maya talking on the messdecks."

Gaige looked at him cautiously. "When was this?"

"A few nights back," Salvador said. "You said it was frustrating, having this ship. We weren't stuck on Pandora anymore, but..."

"But I still couldn't go home," Gaige said, her voice catching slightly. "I can go anywhere except back to see my parents. I can't even _call_ them for fear of getting monitored by the cops or a bounty hunter or _whoever."_ She sighed and dropped onto a stool. "It's been eating at my mind for a long time, actually. I was too busy Vault hunting to let myself think about it, but out here, with nothing to do..." She looked at him with overly bright eyes. "It just kinda hit me how impossible it really was that I'd ever get to see my dad again."

"Actually, you said it _was_ possible," Salvador pointed out. "You said something would have to happen first, but you _could_ see your dad again."

Gaige frowned as she tried to recall her words. "I did?"

"Yup. And so..." With a grand flourish, Salvador whipped the cover off the tray and presented it to Gaige. "Ta-da!"

Gaige stared. "Is... is that a cherry pie?"

"Cut up by our assassin friend himself!" Salvador said proudly. "I don't know why you thought it'd be so hard to get, but if that was what it took to..." he trailed off. "What?"

Gaige was staring at him, hand pressed to her mouth, tears flowing freely down her face now, but also smiling at the same time. "'Pie will divide evenly by Zer0 before I get to see my dad again.' That's what you heard?"

"Sure!" He frowned slightly. "I didn't hear you wrong, did I?"

Gaige shook her head fiercely, still crying and laughing at the same time. "Nope. Not at all, you crazy goofball." Suddenly, she pounced on Salvador and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug. "You've got a great perspective on things, Sal. Thanks for sharing it."

"Anytime, _chica._ " He sniffed the air. "How about we have some pie, and you tell me about your _padre_? I'd like to hear some stories about the man that raised such a little miss badass."

She laughed and let go. "Oh, I bet you'd like him. There was this one time we were in a restaurant, right? And then some crazy guy tried to hold the place up, shouting and waving a gun around. Unfortunately for _him_ , Dad had a napkin, a dinner roll, and half a salad left..."

* * *

[I APOLOGIZE FOR NOTHING. I am a little curious if anyone guessed the punchline, though.]

[Next week, something else! Thanks for reading!]

 

 

 


	4. Short & Sodden

Salvador snored peacefully in his bunk, oblivious to anything around him. He didn't wake when his door slid open, or when shadowy figures surrounded his bed.

He _did_ wake up when they grabbed his sheets and scooped him up, wrapped in a cocoon of his own bedclothes.

"Hey! What's going on?! Who's the _pendejos-_ "

Salvador felt his body lifted and carried down the hall quickly. He thrashed and shouted, but was held tight. As he was carried, snatches of conversation broke through his own yells.

"-just a few more corridors-"

"- _hurry_ , my eyes are watering-"

"-you'll thank us for this later, Sal!"

Salvador felt his cloth prison swing, fly through the air, and pound to the hard metal deckplates. He thrashed around, still roaring, until he disentangled his head and saw where he was. He blinked in confusion. "Why am I in an airlock?"

[It's for all our sakes, buddy, yours included.]

Salvador twisted around and saw Axton's sorrowful face looking at him through the small, round window on the airlock door. "What are you talking about? What's going on, _hermano?_ "

[We _tried_ to tell you, Sal,] Maya sighed. [All of us.]

"Tell me what?" Salvador asked, confused.

[You must have known _something_ like this was coming,] Gaige said despairingly. [Didn't you wonder why you were eating all your meals alone lately?]

Salvador frowned and scratched his head. "I thought I just slept through normal dinner times."

[I brought it up every time we lifted weights together,] Axton said. [I even told you in the bluntest possible terms.]

Salvador's expression cleared. "Wait, this is about the _showering_ thing?"

[Three weeks, Salvador!] Gaige exploded. [We left Pandora three weeks ago! You've been working out every day, you wear the same clothes for days on end, and you haven't showered or washed your clothes _once_ this whole time! You _reek!_ ]

Salvador sniffed at his shirt. "It's not _that_ bad."

[The computer says there's a toxic gas leak whenever you walk into a room,] Maya said dryly. [It _is_ that bad.]

"You never complained about it back on Pandora!"

[We weren't breathing recycled air on Pandora,] Maya pointed out.

[Also? We made sure you got dunked in _some_ kind of water at least once a week,] Gaige added.

[Unfortunately, that's not an option here, and it's painfully clear by now you won't shower on your own,] Axton said grimly. [That means we need to take drastic measures, before the ship's air scrubbers can't handle you anymore.]

"Drastic measures?" Salvador glanced uneasily at the door behind him, the handful of metal that separated him from the empty vacuum of space. " _How_ drastic?"

[We're not going to _space_ you,] Axton said hastily, catching the glance. [You're still our friend, Sal. Your stench isn't.]

Salvador gave a small sigh of relief, then he looked at them suspiciously. "So what am I doing in the airlock, _cabron?_ "

Axton had turned his head sideways, as if he was looking at something on the wall. [Well, Sal... sometimes, when people come in from outside the ship, they've got something on them that shouldn't be brought into the ship. When that happens, the ship will offer a nice, hearty, bracing decontamination shower.]

Salvador's eyes went wide. "Oh no, you _wouldn't_ -"

[Wouldn't if you hadn't made us.] Axton smirked and waved. [Enjoy, buddy.]

Red lights flashed and sirens blared throughout the airlock. Salvador threw his arms over his head in a desperate attempt to protect himself, but it was no use.

Outside, Axton, Maya and Gaige waited patiently as water blasted out of the ceiling with the force of several firehoses. Salvador's curses and yelps made Gaige flinch, and she looked uncertainly at the controls.

Maya put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "He brought this on himself."

"I know," Gaige said miserably. "It's just... after all we've been through together _,_ I feel like he deserves better from us. From me _especially,_ after that whole pie thing."

"I'd say _we_ deserve better from _him,_ " Axton pointed out. "I've done this to guys I fought alongside before. When someone's bad hygiene starts messin' with _your_ quality of life, you take action."

"Yeah, but listen to him!" Salvador's yelps were still going on. "He sounds so... so..." Gaige trailed off. "Wait, is he _singing ?_ "

" _Now there was a time,_  
 _When you loved me so._  
 _I couldn't do wrong,_  
 _And now you need to know."_

Maya clamped her hands over her ears as the droning, off key, but very loud and _extremely_ enthusiastic singing filled the hall. "Axton, shut off the intercom!"

" _See, I been a bad, bad,_ _ **bad bad**_ _man,  
And I made a deal!" _

Axton stabbed the button repeatedly, but with no effect. "It's not the intercom! He's just that loud!"

" _So how you like me now?!_

 _How you like me_ _**now** _ _?!_

 _HOW YOU LIKE ME NOOOOOW?!_ "

Gaige, also pinning her ears to her head, glared at the door in impotent fury. "Remember how I was feeling sorry for him?! Well, _screw_ that!"

 **{Decontamination cycle complete,}** the computer reported ominously. **{Opening airlock.}**

Maya and Gaige looked at each other in horror. "Oh, no."

The door slid open. Salvador stood before them, dripping wet and naked as the day he was born, grinning, and threw his arms to the ceiling. "Does _that_ make you love me, baby?!"

"Oh, I am _so_ outta here." Gaige half sprinted down the hall.

"Not...huh...not without me you don't!" Maya was half a step behind Gaige.

She did glance back over her shoulder once.

Salvador looked towards Axton, but the commando was already gone, a small trail of settling dust all that remained. Smiling, Salvador nodded, pleased with himself. "Hey, computer?"

{ **Standing by.}**

"Set me up for another run!" Salvador walked back into the airlock, the door clunking shut behind him. "And while you're at it, patch in the shipwide intercom!"

The Vault Hunters never had any trouble getting Salvador to shower again. They did, however, have to start wearing earplugs when he did.

* * *

[Other title options included "Short & Not-so-sweet/Stinky/Coma-inducingly-foul. I opted for the least spoilerish.]

[Next week, the Vault Hunters discuss a matter of burning urgency. Thanks for reading!]


	5. Unscheduled maintenance

[Note at the start for a change. This one isn't actually the pressing matter I had planned to go with next, that one's still going to be this weekend. Enjoy the random posting!]

* * *

Gaige hummed happily along with the angry music playing through the speaker overhead as she moved around the large machine/workshop collecting tools. A collection of clamps, screwdrivers, wrenches, and hardware was already laid out on a central worktable, to which she added several power tools and a soldering iron.

As she set up her tools in a row, she let out a pleased sigh and looked around the room in satisfaction. "Home really _is_ where the hammer is."

"Oh _man_ , is that _music?_ "

Gaige turned in surprise to see Cassidy walking down the stairs to the workshop. "Oh, hey!" She waved a hand, and the pounding beats fell silent. "Only music worth playing, girl! Punk kicks all _kinds_ of ass."

Cassidy went slightly pink and glanced at the ceiling doubtfully. "If you say so." She finished walking down the stairs and ran her eyes over the tools Gaige had laid out. "I see you stumbled onto the location of the lab."

"I needed someplace to really stretch out while I work," Gaige said. "I love the engine room, but it's not right for tinkering. As for the shuttle machine shops, they're just too cramped." She made a face as she picked up a large power cable and started carrying it across the room. "That, and I don't like the idea of riding in a ship attached to another ship flying through hyperspace."

"The shuttles _are_ safe," Cassidy insisted, "even at superluminal speeds."

"Maybe so, but as an engineer, I don't like to tempt Murphy any more than I already do as a Vault Hunter." Gaige hooked one end of the cable to a port in her arm, the other into a silver box attached to the wall. "He and the Reaper get enough shots at me as it is, I don't need to make their job easier." With the cable trailing on the floor like a strangely misplaced mechanical tail, Gaige walked over to the workbench and pushed a large red button. The silver box began to emit a low-pitched hum, and several lights flashed to life on the workbench.

Cassidy ran a curious eye over the setup. "You've patched your prosthetic into a backup power supply. Why are you augmenting your arm's energy?"

"Because my boy Deathtrap is due for a tune-up!" Gaige said happily. "And now that I've got an external power source strong enough to keep him from dematerializing, I can actually do it." She tapped a few keys on her ECHO device and clenched her fist.

Cassidy watched in fascination as Deathtrap resolved in existence, humming and hovering patiently as Gaige began to open various small panels on his body. "Was he your earliest engineering endeavor?"

"Oh, not even close," Gaige laughed. "It took _years_ before I was skilled enough to even _try_ building something like DT here." She opened the last small panel and reached for a power drill with a socket head attached. "He was my _best_ work, though. I haven't even had a chance to _try_ and top him yet."

"There's me, M- Gaige," Cassidy said quietly.

"True, but I can't really take credit for you," she said, talking over the drill as she began to unbolt sections of Deathtrap's armor. "I mean, yes, I finished what your original builder started, but I didn't come up with all your beautiful, intricate designs myself."

Gaige was so focused on Deathtrap's back armor she didn't notice Cassidy's blush. "'Beautiful designs'?"

"Oh yeah!" Gaige lifted the armor plating off and set it aside, then opened a larger panel that had been hidden beneath it. "Where are you, little bolt... ah!" She reached in with a manual socket wrench and began loosening the bolt. "I've _never_ seen anything like it, even in hypothetical circles. Your skeletal frame alone was decades ahead of anyone else's work. And your neural net?" She shook her head and patted Deathtrap fondly. "I love my boy here, but you make him look like he fell out of the idiot tree and hit every branch on the way down."

Gaige scowled as she opened another panel, this one under Deathtrap's right arm. A series of circuit cards blinked innocently back at her. "Take these circuits, for instance. Without this kind of lab setup, I couldn't keep Deathtrap around long enough to tweak 'em, so his AI occasionally mixed up shooting an enemy and recharging shields." She sighed as she began running a probe over the circuit cards. "I'm always proud of him, but sometimes he just don't learn good."

Cassidy shuffled her feet awkwardly and looked at the deck. "So...even if you weren't involved in my initial inception, did you still take some small satisfaction in my startup?"

"Of course I did," Gaige replied. "Seeing you walk into the medical bay with Zero was one of the high points of my life. I just wish I could take a little more credit for your development."

"Your dad did a great deal for _your_ development, and he had little hand in your nine month maturation," Cassidy pointed out.

Gaige paused. "Huh. Never thought of it like that." She closed the arm panel and moved to Deathtrap's chest. "You were never a baby, though. You just kinda... sprang outta my head." She gave a small laugh. "Thanks to _another_ piece of tech I had no hand in creating."

Cassidy watched silently as Gaige tinkered with Deathtrap. After a few minutes, she asked, "May I ask about your mother?"

"Sure, but do you really need to?" Gaige asked. "You've got most of my memories, don't you?"

"They fragment the further back I go," Cassidy said. "The memories of your mother are mostly a mystery to me."

Gaige shrugged. "Okay, fire away."

"Were you close?"

She blinked and turned to Cassidy. "That's an odd question to start with. I was expecting something along the lines of what she did for a living, or something like that."

Cassidy shrugged and sat uneasily on a nearby table. "Your father's face is frequently in your thoughts. Your mother is in your memories much less. I was wondering why."

Gaige gave a half sigh and sat next to her. "Probably because my dad and I _were_ closer. I never had any _problems_ with Mom, but Dad was around more. Mom was the wage earner in the family."

"Really? Isn't that a reversal of normal roles?"

"Dad had a pretty high paying job in his younger years, but he got hurt and retired," Gaige explained. "It was a good package, but the Eden system in general isn't a cheap place to live, plus it never hurts to have more money."

"So she sacrificed time with you to ensure a suitable lifestyle."

Gaige shrugged. "That, and Mom _enjoyed_ work. She wasn't the type of person to just sit at home and leech off Dad's income."

"Did you ever wish she wouldn't work? For her to forgo it and be with her family more frequently?"

"Well, sure. What kid doesn't?" Gaige leaned back and smiled. "I don't know if you got this memory, but there was this one time I was sick, the flu or something like that. I think I was like six or seven at the time, I dunno for sure. Anyway, Dad was out of town for some reason, so Mom took the day off work to look after me. I remember being hot and sweaty and uncomfortable all night, and felt even worse the next morning. " She glanced at Cassidy. "This sound familiar?"

Cassidy shook her head. "Please, proceed."

"Mom came into my bedroom, took one look at me, and got me into a nice cool bath. She washed me up, dried me off in this big fluffy towel, then got me dressed in clean pajamas. Then we just sat on the couch for hours. She held me and brushed my hair, and sang to me until I fell asleep." She smiled. "When I woke up later, I actually felt well enough to eat something and mess around with my tools a little."

"Tools? Not toys?"

"Those _were_ my toys," Gaige laughed. "Mom saw me tightening bolts in this piece of metal Dad had pulled off some old thing and knew I was feeling better."

Cassidy sat quietly for a minute, then inched closer to Gaige. "Is that your closest memory of your mother?"

Gaige frowned as she pondered the question. "Might be, actually. It's almost the only time I remember her babying me like that." She looked over at Cassidy. "What brought all this on, anyway?"

"It's... difficult to describe," Cassidy said hesitantly. "How familiar are you with my family's feud?"

"I know as much as One told me." Gaige's expression clouded slightly. "You might actually know more about that than I do. Why?"

"I've started having a hard time reconciling his recollections with my reality," Cassidy admitted. "One held such hatred for Zero, and dark designs for you. Even after his termination, his thoughts trouble me."

Gaige stared at her. "Cass... I had no idea. How long has this been going on?"

"A few days," Cassidy said with a shake of her head. "It wasn't an issue earlier, but my mind is maturing, making memories more fully integrate into my neural net." She sighed and rubbed her eyes. "It's... not an easy experience."

"Have you tried talking to Zero about it?" Gaige asked in a worried tone. "He might have gone through something similar."

"Zero can't supply a solution," Cassidy said regretfully. "His mind was made from a single source, and never subjected him to this. So, I've tried seeking solace in _your_ memories." She looked at Gaige. "Your father is a fun figure, but your mother is more...soothing."

Gaige looked at Cassidy's pained expression for a minute, then glanced at Deathtrap. "Sorry, boy. Your sister's not feeling well, I need to take care of her for a bit." Gaige hopped off the table and picked up her socket wrench again. "Come on, turn around. You may not have _actual_ hair for me to brush, but I can still take care of you _my_ way. Lemme look at that left arm of yours, I never _did_ get it balanced quite right."

Cassidy smiled and turned around, dropping the hologram around her left arm and shoulder as she did. " _Gracias,_ Gaige."

"That reminds me," Gaige said as she fitted the wrench onto Cassidy's arm. "If you keep playing with Salvador, remember to wash up afterwards. He smells better these days, but he's still a dirty little fella."

"Got it."

"And I don't want you repeating anything Axton says, _especially_ when he gets angry or drunk. He uses language not befitting a lady."

"Cool. Any cautions about Krieg?"

"Just don't try to shoot Maya while he's around," Gaige said with a smile. "For that matter, don't shoot Maya _period_. That's a good way to end your life _real_ quick."

"She also appears perturbed when I read the penultimate page of a book prematurely."

"Really? I'll have to remember that one. Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I tried to build my mom a new car for Mother's Day?"

"No! You tried to construct a _car?_ "

"Yeah! See, she'd been driving this old thing forever, and I thought she'd like a brand new one. So, I borrowed her purse and used her credit card to order a bunch of sheet metal..."

Cassidy closed her eyes, smiled, and let Gaige's voice wash over her. Very quietly, she began to hum to herself.

* * *

[I wasn't actually sure I'd post this one, but I was basically encouraged to get over myself and go for it. Good advice.]

[NEXT update will be the issue of burning importance. Hope you enjoyed this little thing in the meantime. Thanks for reading!]


	6. Mission essential

Maya took a deep breath and sat cross-legged on the floor. She stared through the curved window in front of her, into the vast emptiness beyond. She focused her eyes on the brightest star she could see, then closed them. Taking a deep breath, she tried to visualize the field of stars in her mind's eye, then slowly started blanking them out, one by one, working outward from her chosen star. She kept it up for some time, blocking out the imagined stars, and her own unexpected, slightly treacherous thoughts, until...

"Do you think Eridians made ice cream?"

Maya cracked open an eye and glanced sideways. Gaige had sat down next to her, and was staring out at the stars, chin cupped in her palms. "What was that?"

"There's a lot of things against it," Gaige admitted. "I mean, they'd need some kind of dairy analogue, to start with. Then they'd need to have a sense of taste, and a tolerance for cold that would let them _enjoy_ something like ice cream. And it would depend on their planets developing things that would mix well with milk, cream, and sugar." She leaned back on her hands and stared out the massive windows in front of her and Maya. "Somehow, though, I still kinda hope they made their own version of ice cream. It'd be proof of a benevolent force in the universe."

Maya sighed and closed her eyes again. "Gaige, I'm trying to meditate."

"That's another thing," Gaige said, rolling over onto her stomach and looking up at Maya. "How come you're bothering to meditate? You never did that back on Pandora."

"On Pandora, I had other ways to clear my head," Maya said testily. "Killing bandits is incredibly cathartic."

"Don't need to tell _me_ twice."

"Unfortunately, we're a little short on bandits out here, so I'm using what we _do_ have." Maya waved an arm, encompassing the large window and vast field of stars beyond. "Peace and quiet."

Gaige leaned her chin on her hands again. She looked at Maya, sitting cross legged with her eyes closed, glanced out at the stars, then back at Maya. "Gets awful boring, doesn't it?"

"My _god_ you have no idea." Maya flopped backwards onto the deck, pushing the heels of her hands into her eyes. "They tried to teach me how to meditate at the abbey. I was never any good at it _there_ , either. I always ended up daydreaming about exploring, having adventures, _fighting_ things _."_ She propped herself up on her hands and stared out the window again. "Basically, everything we left back on Pandora."

"Well, we won't be out here _too_ much longer," Gaige said, shifting back into a sitting position. "Cassidy says we're only another week or so from our first new planet. Besides, this world was _your_ suggestion, remember?"

"Don't remind me." Maya dropped her hands and sighed in frustration. "I never thought this much living space could still feel so claustrophobic."

"No need to pick on _Celestia_ ," Gaige said mildly. "She's getting us from one planet to the next as fast as she can."

Maya turned to Gaige, raising an eyebrow. "Did you just refer to this ship as _Celestia?_ "

"Why not?" she insisted. "We should've named her the day we came aboard, Maya. This long flying around in our own ship, and we _still_ haven't named her? That can't be good karma."

"I don't think anyone around here would agree on _Celestia_ ," Maya pointed out. "It's a little... elitist for a group like us."

"Oh, come on," Gaige argued. "I've been all over this ship, getting into every system she has. It's the most advanced piece of tech I've ever seen! She used to belong to an assassin _and_ she's the brainchild of an extinct manufacturer!" She threw her arms out. "This ship is the _embodiment_ of elitist!" She crossed her arms and grinned smugly. "Besides, what would _you_ call it?"

Maya looked out the window, smiling a little. "How about... _Heaven's Fang?_ "

Gaige blinked. "Have you been hanging out with Krieg when I wasn't looking?"

"You say you've been all over this ship. Haven't you seen the _weapons?_ " Maya pointed at the window. "That's not just for stargazing, you know. We've got the dome for that. _This_ is a sighting port right between the wings, just in case we lose targeting sensors. If we fired up the main guns, we'd get an incredible light show down here."

"But _Heaven's Fang?_ I seriously wouldn't have expected that one from you."

Maya shrugged. "My favorite brand is Maliwan. Maybe you should."

"Mm." Silence lingered for a few seconds, then Gaige offered, " _Celestia's Horn?_ "

"Nah. _God's Fist_."

" _Hunter's Bullet_."

"Ooo, not bad. How about _Siren's Shriek?_ "

"Oh, no you don't little miss ego," Gaige laughed. "If we're putting out title based names, this bad girl is _Mechromancer's Fury._ "

" _Commando's Crusher,_ " a new voice said. "That, or _Star Turret_."

The girls looked over their shoulders. "Hey, Ax," Gaige said. "What's up?"

Axton shrugged and sat next to Maya. "It's too early for dinner and I'm all exercised out for the day." He sighed comfortably and stared outward. "So. _Star Turret,_ then?"

"I'd rather call her _Gunzerker's Two-Fisted Space-Based Beatdown Supreme_ ," Salvador offered, plopping down next to Gaige.

" _Meat Grinder!_ " Krieg thumped to the deck behind Maya.

" _Assassin's Saber_." Zero decloaked in a corner of the room, arms folded and leaning against the wall.

Gaige frowned at him. "How long have you been _there?_ "

Maya glanced around and shook her head, laughing. "What happened, did you set your flute to 'Vault Hunter' and everyone just followed you in here?"

"Almost everyone," Axton pointed out. "Madame pilot is still up on the bridge."

[Merely making minute course corrections,] Cassidy's voice said over the intercom.

Gaige folded her arms and looked around. "I hope you know eavesdropping is rude, young lady!" she said with mock anger in her voice. "If you want to talk ship names, you should come join us!"

[Tragically, I need time to tidy up our travel,] Cassidy replied. [Besides, bantering blithely about appellations is academic anyway.]

"Why's that?"

"This ship was used by One who traveled in secret," Zero pointed out. "It can change its name."

"Wait a second," Axton said, holding up a hand. "A ship's identity code is assigned when it's commissioned. It's hardwired into the system. You can't change it without a full overhaul at a major port. Even HarrFord couldn't get around _that_ rule."

"Do you really think An assassin would abide Such a restriction?" Zero asked mildly. "It had been removed From the system long before We took possession."

"So you're telling me we can rename this ship any time, to anything, and it'll look totally legit?" Axton demanded.

[Absolutely accurate!] Cassidy chirped happily. [And the shuttles, whenever we will it!]

Axton shook his head in disbelief. "That is like eight different kinds of illegal." He grinned. "I get to pick the first name!" He jumped to his feet and headed for the door.

"We are _not_ calling her _Star Turret!_ " Gaige insisted, heading after him. "Ever!"

"How about _Serenity?_ " Salvador offered.

Everyone looked at him like he'd gone crazy. "What kind of name is _that_ for ship full of Vault Hunting warriors?" Maya asked incredulously. "When have any of us _ever_ shown the slightest interest in a serene... _anything_?"

Salvador scratched his head, looking confused. "I dunno. It just felt... mandatory."

* * *

[And with that requirement out of the way, I'd like to open it up to you, dear readers. Anyone have a suggestion for ship and shuttle names?]  


[Thanks for reading!] 


	7. Behind the wheel

I don't sleep anymore.

Maybe it's not surprising. I'm a voice in my own head. Why would I need sleep? I'm not the one making the day to day decisions. I'm the one riding shotgun in an out-of-control eighteen wheeler, trying to nudge the steering wheel in the right direction.

I didn't use to like sleeping. I thought it was a waste, that I could be doing so much more if I could chop out the block of time where I'd just lay there, unconscious and helpless.

Of course, that was before there were two of us in here.

 _He_ sleeps. He sleeps like a bear hibernating for the winter. He spends years in his own little dreamland, letting all manner of horrors play through his head. His _good_ dreams would send lesser men running for the hills, for God, for their mothers, for anything that would give them comfort.

He doesn't usually have good dreams.

I have to watch. And _I_ can't run.

I can't sleep when he's awake, either. I don't know for sure what would happen if I did, if he'd lose all control. For all I know, I'd wake up and our ship would be drenched with blood, all my friends dead.

Or maybe I wouldn't wake up. That one scares me more, actually. If I fell asleep and his savage, force of nature mind just... _absorbed_ me while I slept. What would happen next? Would I become part of him? Would I 'die'? _Can_ a fragment of a soul 'die'?

Hopefully I'll never have to find out.

It's strange for both of us, being out here on this ship. Back on Pandora, it was simple. Get a mission, kill anything that got it the way of it. I didn't even have to tap the wheel for _that_.

Here, though... there's nothing but downtime. It's not bothering him, really. He doesn't have any pent up urges to kill, because there's nothing trying to kill him. I've actually got more control right now than I've had in... god, I don't even _know_ how long. But I can't get him to pick up a book, or watch a movie long enough to enjoy it. The closest I can get to making him do something I want to is getting him to use the exercise gear.

That was actually a little funny, really. Axton and Salvador spend half their days lifting weights. One time, we joined them. I think they were both a little embarrassed when we deadlifted their heaviest weights one-handed without even blinking. I _know_ they were embarrassed when we bench pressed _them._

He decided to use the shooting range once. Everyone was in there when we showed up. They'd all gone in to watch Zero work on one of his bullet drawings. Never expected that guy to have an artistic streak. Anyway, he didn't know how to digistruct a simulated weapon, so he just pulled his regular gun.

His huge, rusted, untrustworthy, loaded-with-live-ammo-that-could-pierce-the-hull gun.

I couldn't stop him. I tried. I yelled as loud as I could that firing _armor piercing rounds_ inside a spaceship was a very, Very, _VERY_ bad idea. He didn't listen, and we ended up at the bottom of a dogpile when everyone else tackled us to keep him from shooting.

They still haven't given us back our guns.

Mostly, he likes to explore the air ducts. They're enormous, actually, which is good for us. _I_ don't want to get stuck in there. Anyway, by now we've crawled through every inch of this ship we can get to. I know things about it even Gaige doesn't. She'd never guess, for instance, that there's a space in the engine room that almost makes you believe you _are_ the ship _._ There's some kind of resonance, I think. It makes it so you can feel everything the ship does as it travels. I can tell when we're about to drop out of lightspeed before the engines even decelerate.

I've learned things about my friends, too. Axton still keeps a picture of his wife in his pocket. Gaige has her parent's names scratched into the handle of that wrench she carries around. Zero waits until everyone is asleep, then patrols the ship, making sure we're all safe. Maya's got a crush on someone, and she doesn't even know it. Salvador actually says a prayer before he goes to sleep.

That one surprised me.

They don't know I know these things, and I won't tell them. I didn't _mean_ to learn them, but his wanderings usually take us over their rooms.

The most recent addition to our little team has a secret, too. I just found out about it.

He didn't care about the new girl. He can't see through her hologram, but he can tell she's not human, and not an enemy. That's enough to put her below his radar. As for me, she looks a little like Maya, but not enough to hold my attention.

But she got my attention recently.

We were exploring again. He'd finally found a way through the ducts to get close to the bridge. Since the upper deck is just an empty floor with a transparent dome, there's no walls or ceiling to crawl around in. It had him stymied for a while on how to explore up there through the ducts.

Turns out we can get into the air ducts that run under the floor by going... never mind. The point is, we got into the air system under the bridge in the middle of the night.

It was empty, of course. Everyone else was asleep. The only one awake was the new girl, because apparently, she doesn't sleep either. She just sat in that chair of hers, surrounded by holographic monitors, flying us along while we slept.

He hadn't planned to stay there long. The dome freaks him out if he thinks about it too much. I try not to _let_ him think about it, but hey, eighteen wheeler. He looked out through the grating for a few minutes, then headed back to the lower levels.

Then she started up.

I didn't realize what it was at first. It was soft, gentle. It filtered through the air like a breeze, washing through my mind and soothing the fires that have burned so long.

She was singing.

I didn't know a machine could do that. I mean, I've listened to music on the radio, of course, but those are just recordings. This one... she was _singing_ music, not just broadcasting it.

I don't know what the music was. There weren't any words I could hear. I don't know if she made it up, or was performing some ancient piece. She kept it up for hours, never exactly the same way twice. She played with melody, coming up with variant after variant, creating an aria all her own between her and the stars.

I don't know when she stopped, exactly. I fell asleep while she was singing.

Peaceful, restful sleep, for _both_ of us _._ I thought that was gone forever. He didn't flip out, I didn't cease to exist. I don't know how long I would have stayed asleep under the deck like that. I only woke up when Salvador tromped up onto the bridge later and walked right over my head.

I've gone back every night since. It's not too much longer before we hit the Vault planet, and she won't sing in front of the others. I don't think they even suspect she can. I think she's embarrassed to show her talent, though I don't know why.

Maybe someday I can return the favor she's unwittingly done me. For now, I'm just going to enjoy my nap.

Hmmm... I wonder if Maya could learn to sing like that...

* * *

[Waaaaay back at the start of my first story, I committed one of the cardinal sins of writing: I told you that the moonbase (Helios Station, apparently) had been destroyed, rather than show its demise. I had my reasons, key among them that I didn't want to write that particular adventure.]

[This weekend, I absolve myself of that sin. Hope you enjoy!]


	8. Bad moon setting

"Can you explain an event to me?"

Gaige looked up from her tweaking the screws on her arm. Cassidy was sitting in the pilot's chair, looking expectantly at her. "Sure, Cass. What's up?"

"There was a shattered satellite entrapped by Elpis' gravity," she said. "What went down up there?"

"Oh, now _that_ was a night to remember," Gaige said with relish, laying back in her beanbag. "I can only tell you part of it, though. We'll need to get everyone else up here for the _whole_ story."

Cassidy tapped out a few commands on a holo-panel, then leaned back in her seat, hands folded. "There. The others should be on up soon."

"You _really_ wanna hear this one, huh?" She rubbed her chin. "Okay, I'll start off, and everybody else can jump in as they get here. What do you know about Hyperion and Pandora?"

"Everything, ending with Jack's expiration," Cassidy said. "After that event, information is elusive."

"Understandable," Gaige said. "Well, a little while after we killed Jack, we caught up to a Hyperion engineer. After a little... forceful persuasion, he coughed up a lot of blood and the access codes to the moonbase. Maya grabbed Lilith, Brick, Mordecai, and Tina, and we all got ready to storm the place-"

"Time-out... you brought _Tina?_ " Cassidy sputtered. "The tiny teen with the tendency to trash things with TNT?"

"We _were_ going to blow the place up, and she had the same score to settle as the rest of us," Gaige pointed out. "Besides, I gave her the pistol-sized love child of a shotgun and rocket launcher, plus a shield that straight-up _devoured_ bullets. She was fine.

"So anyway, we all jumped into the fast travel station at the same time..."

* * *

They never saw us coming. We all exploded out of their receiving station at the same time, caught 'em _completely_ off-guard. I mowed down a few of 'em with my shotgun, then let Deathtrap off the leash. He took down another three loaders and an engineer before they knew _what_ hit 'em. Between all of us, we had the room cleared in a few seconds, and we made our move.

We had a rough layout of the station from the engineer, so we knew where to go. Hyperion's station was controlled from the sphere mounted between the two legs on either side of it. We'd attacked in the middle of the night, so their reaction time was down, too. Between our combined firepower, we got all the way up to command in a few minutes, and then it was _my_ turn to give orders.

"What a stupid system," I said as I hacked their command system. _"Everything_ is controlled from right here. With the command codes, I've managed to lock down most of the station. Nobody's getting in here without blasting through four layers of security doors."

"Nice work, Gaige!" Lilith said, patting my back. "Couldn't do have done it without you!"

"We haven't done _anything_ yet!" Axton griped, fingering his turret deck nervously. "So you locked the door, big deal. How do we take this place out?"

"Chill... _*hic*_ out, buddy," Mordecai said placidly, his burp wafting the smell of booze across my face. "She'll get it figured out. Just go with the flow, man."

"Long as she does it rapid-oh!" Salvador cackled madly, waving his guns around. "I wanna kill lots more stuff tonight!"

"No worries," I said, accessing the subsystems. "I can take out this whole station from here. All I need to do is-"

That's when I got caught off guard.

The white lights all went red, and an alarm blared through the whole station. I thought my ears were gonna bleed, it was so loud.

"What's that?!" Axton shrieked. "What did you do?!"

"They caught on a little faster than I thought they would," I admitted, typing fast. "They managed to sever most of the controls from here, but I've still got command over some stuff. Security overrides and basic systems, mostly."

"MEATY MEATY HACK N' SLASH, GRINDY GRINDY SMOOSH!" Krieg bellowed, waving his axe around.

"Down, boy," Maya told him calmly, putting a hand on his arm. "Am I correct in interpreting this to mean you're unable to destroy the station from this location?"

"Yes," I said with a blush. "Sorry."

"Have no fear," Maya said. "We'll simply dismantle the installation in a more _entertaining_ manner." She cocked her SMG. "Now, how do you recommend we annihilate this loathsome facility?"

I did a quick check over the system, looking for the answer I _knew_ had to be there. Fortunately for us, I found it pretty quickly. "Here's our solution," I said, pulling up a holographic blueprint. "The station's kept in orbit by gravity stabilizers at the top and bottom of each of the legs. If we can take those out, the whole place will crash into Elpis."

"So... you _can_ blow up the place?" Brick asked slowly.

"Yes and no," I said. "Like I said, I have control over the basic systems, including power control. I _could_ send a power surge to the stabilizers and blow 'em out, but-"

"Then _do_ it!" Axton whined at me. "Blow this place up so we can go home and I can take all the credit for it!"

"It's not that simple, _Axton_ ," I said, grinding my teeth. "The stabilizers have power dampers on them. If I send a power surge now, it won't destroy anything, and worse, the guards will know what we're up to."

"Kill everyone then...before they can stop us." Zero drew his sword and spun around, slashing the air. "A worthy challenge."

"Kill everyone _and_ take out the dampers," Lilith corrected. She grinned and cracked her knuckles. "Right?"

"That's it," I confirmed. "It'll go faster if we split into five teams of two. Four to go take out the dampers, while I stay here to send the power surge once you've destroyed them all." I looked around at everyone. "One more thing. Once you've taken out the dampers, _stay_ _put_. The hallways going to each stabilizer have fast travel systems built into them, just in case they needed to evacuate quickly. Right after I send the power surge to the stabilizers, I'll activate the escape systems and send us all back to Sanctuary."

"Sure, sure, good plan, girl." Mordecai looked up at the screen blankly. "So, where am I going to do what again?"

Maya did her best to not sigh, but I still caught her exasperation. "Salvador, take Mordecai and head for the power dampers in the upper left leg. Krieg and I will take the lower left."

"See, senior eeta!"

"KILL MAIMY KILLSLASH!"

"I wanna go blow stuff up!" Tina complained. "Who do I get to go blow things up with?"

" _I_ don't want her," Axton muttered, edging towards the door and away from Tina.

"I'll take her with me," Brick said. "I'm friends with the little blonde girl."

"Actually, I could really use your help here, Tina," I said quickly. "If _some_ of us don't take out the dampers fast enough, we might have all the bases' security converge of us. Deathtrap and I will need a hand to hold 'em off." We wouldn't, of course. But I wasn't going to let Tina out of my sight if I could help it. I was worried she might get reckless on us.

Fortunately, she bought it. "All right!" she peeped. "Lemme go put bombs on the security doors! Then they'll explode if anyone tries to get in!" She darted off, pulling explosives out of her belt as she did.

"I will go after...the upper right station leg." Zero twirled his sword, doing some kind of blade-against-the-faceplate salute thingy. "Brick can come with me."

"So... I'm _not_ going with Tina?"

"That just leaves lower right." Lilith cracked her knuckles again, and I swear I saw her eyes glow. "It's aaaaall mine, kiddies."

"You're not going without me!" Axton said quickly, darting next to her side. "You'll protect- I mean, I'll protect you!"

"You've all got your marching orders, Hunters," Maya ordered. "Move out!"

They scattered into the hall and off in four different directions. I turned back to the monitor to watch their progress as best I could-

* * *

"'Move out'? Since when does Maya say things like that?" Axton interrupted, stepping out of the elevator. "For that matter, since when does she give anyone other than Krieg orders?"

Gaige flushed slightly as Axton sat down in his chair. "It's what I remember, okay? I know _you_ didn't give any orders that night."

"You weren't with me, so you can't know that for sure," Axton said loftily. "I hope she hasn't spoiled the whole story for you, Cassidy. We're just about to get to the good part."

"Oh?"

"Yep." Axton cleared his throat and leaned back in his chair. "Gaige was right about one thing, she stayed on the bridge while the rest of us did the heavy lifting."

Gaige's red tinge changed spectrum from embarrassed to angry, but the rapt expression on Cassidy's face kept her from interrupting.

"So anyway, Lilith and I headed down the corridor, running for the deck with the power damper. We got about three decks down when we ran into our first opposition..."

* * *

The three schlubs in the hallway never knew what hit them. The first one's head vaporized in a shower of blood and gore, covering the other two with body fluids and teeth.

I got the second one right through the heart a second later. He fell to the deck and started to bleed out, the light dimming from his eyes one watt at a time.

The last one had time to realize he was wearing and standing in his buddies, but a blast through his throat made sure he'd never have time to bitch about it.

"Not bad, soldier-boy," Lilith purred, pressing up against me. "I _love_ it when you go to town like that."

"Baby, you ain't seen _nothin'_ yet," I said smoothly. I leveled my gun down the hall. "All right, you Hyperion bastards!" I challenged. "Get out here and make my day!"

Doors all over slid open, and security forces piled out, hundreds of 'em, all armed with the latest in Hyperion guns and armor. To anyone else in the galaxy- no, all _six_ of the galaxies- the whole UNIVERSE, even- they'd be a terrifying sight.

Then one of the mooks caught sight of me, and he screeched like a scared little red-headed highschool girl. "Oh my GOD! It's the _Commando! ! ! !_ "

"NO! NOT HIM! _ANY_ ONE BUT HIM!"

" _Why_ couldn't we have gotten the little girl?!"

The gutless little cowards all turned and ran, trampling each other as they tried to get away from my sheer awesomeness. I held my arms out to my sides, pointing my gun at the floor. "Hey, come on, guys! I'll give you a fair chance! I'll even count to three before I start blowing you away!"

"Why don't you leave them to _me,_ big fella?" Lilith said, seductively putting a finger to my lips. "I wouldn't want you to get all bloody."

"I appreciate the thought, Lilith," I said, pulling her close to me. "But I can't let a woman do my fighting for me. That's just not what a man does."

* * *

"Okay, stop right there!" Gaige yelled. "This is _not_ what happened!"

"Were _you_ there?" Axton asked smugly. "No. So let me tell my part of the story _my_ way."

* * *

"Oh, I'm not doing your fighting for you," Lilith cooed. "You just fight the robots while _I_ kill the humans. I'm going to enjoy scrubbing the oil off you later." With that, she did that awesome turn-purple-and-zap-people thing and zipped away from me.

I turned around and saw what she meant. An army of robots had come up behind me, every single one of 'em a Super Badass WAR loader. They started charging their guns.

"Hey, boys!" I said. "Good to see ya! Know who you're about to die at the hands of?"

One of the Ultra-Mega Super Badass bots made a weird gurgling noise. {Alert. This is Commando enemy. 105% probability of destruction assured if we engage.}

{Irrelevant,} the lead unit whirred dumbly. {.001% probability exists that at least one Super Duper Ultimate Supreme Badass unit will scratch Commando's little toe. We must engage.}

"Wrong, dumb-bot!" I roared. "Not so long as I've got..." I reached behind my back and pulled my favorite weapon. "My _TURRET!_ "

{ERROR. ERROR. TURRET USAGE NOT FACTORED IN. PROBABILITY OF VICTORY NOW -2500%. RETREAT AUTHORIZED.}

* * *

" _Minus twenty-five hundred percent?!_ There's no such thing!"

"I'm not finished yet!"

* * *

"Get 'em, darlin'!" I threw my precious baby at the far wall, and she stuck there and deployed, folding out her guns like petals of a flower, ready and willing to receive death from everything in front of her.

"And here's her twin sister!"

My best girls let loose, chewing up the loaders. They shattered like cheap glass hit by a freight train, while I stood there and laughed. Finally, their lust for death and destruction sated, my turrets folded back up returned to me, basking in the afterglow and waiting for their chance to go again.

"Hey, soldier," Lilith said, sidling back up to me. "I see you got nice and _dirty_ for me." She waved a hand, and something off in the distance exploded. "I went ahead and took care of the power thingy. We're all done here."

"Groovy, baby." I hit my ECHO. "Gaige, we're done here. Send us home whenever you're ready."

[About time, you slowpoke! What kept-]

"Commando signing off." I hit the button again, cutting off her screechy voice, and grabbed Lilith around the waist, crushing her against me. "C'mere, sweet thing. Gimme a taste of those hot lips."

We kissed each other like waves crashing against rock, and when the kiss broke, she jumped off the deck and wrapped her legs around my waist, clinging to me like a couple of pythons. We dropped to the floor and-

* * *

"You realize she was pregnant."

Axton broke off. "What?"

"Lilith," Maya elaborated, sitting in her recliner. "Somewhere between five and a half or seven weeks, I think." She leaned back and toyed with her SMG. "You sure you want to keep the end of that story _exactly_ as you'd planned to?"

"There's nothing _physically_ impossible about-"

"Bear in mind I'm recording all this for her to hear later. And she _does_ have access to an FTL ship."

Axton coughed awkwardly. "So, yeah, we blew up our damper thing. Maya, you wanna go next?"

Maya looked at the empty chairs in the circle. "Actually, I'd like to wait for our last few members."

"Wait's over, _chica!_ " Salvador called. " _¿Que pasa?_ "

"We're telling Cassidy about our little excursion to the moonbase," Gaige said, glaring at Axton. "Some of us a little more _accurately_ than others."

Axton folded his arms and raised his head. "Don't blame _me_ if you can't make a story interesting," he said haughtily. "So, Maya. You want to tell your part now?"

"It's actually Krieg's part, too," she pointed out. "Why don't you tell the first section?"

Krieg thumped his chest and perched on his metal stool. "The flames of rage fueled my engine of destruction! My teeth ripped through the meat sacks, and I-"

"Ummm..." Cassidy interrupted, "maybe Maya _should_ tell the tale."

Krieg looked at Maya and shrugged. "Chuck Palahniuk's not for everyone. Go ahead, Jane Austen."

* * *

"Here they come!" Krieg yelled. "I've got point!"

It wasn't _actually_ what he said, of course. I can just hear what he _means_ over what he _says_. It's definitely a learned skill, but I've practically mastered it by now.

Krieg hurled himself into the thick of things and went to work clearing a path through the loaders that were swarming towards us. I laid down suppression fire and kept the strays off his back, but honestly, he didn't really need my help. He's a master with his sawblade, a poet in destructive arts. It's astonishing to watch him work, the same way it's incredible when a sculptor creates a woman from a heap of rock, or an architect turns ink and paper into their vision of the future.

He's flawless with the axe, and skilled with a gun. That's the one area he could use some refinement in, honestly. He puts his rippling muscles to good use cleaving enemies in twain, but he lacks the focus and polished edge needed for true mastery of gunplay. I've only seen one that has elevated firearms to the same level of brutal artistry as Krieg has done with his axe, and regrettably, I wasn't partnered with him.

I'm not nearly as skilled with firearms, and I certainly don't have Krieg's raw strength. But I do have my own unique edge to fall back on.

I can _feel_ the power before I unleash it. It coils through my mind, flooding through my body, until I channel it down my arm and will it towards my foe. It's just as incredible now as the first time I did it, and I don't think I'll ever get tired of it. I love living a life that lets me use my powers as much as I do.

This time, I snared my target in the otherworldly sphere of energy, drawing in his compatriots and leaving them all helpless under my fire. In seconds, I had finished the guards, and Krieg had reduced the local robot population to zero.

I swung my gun around, checking for any more targets. "Clear! How's it look up there?"

"Nothing moving," he growled, loping forward to the next intersection. "The damper's just on the other side of this hanger! We should be able to-"

A flash of motion drew my eyes up to the thirty foot high ceiling. A strange sort of ripple, crawling among the rafters-

"Krieg, _LOOK OUT!_ "

I lunged forward and threw all my weight against him in a full-power bodyslam, and it was just barely enough to knock him out of the way. He's a _big_ guy.

Unfortunately, that left me vulnerable.

I felt something crack against my chest, and I went flying. My shields caught most of the damage, but I still hit the wall hard enough for stars to flash in front of my eyes, and my vision went blurry. I tried to focus on the thing in front of me, to raise my weapon, but my limbs felt like lead. I saw a pair of gleaming fangs, dripping with saliva-

" _I'LL KILL YOU, YOU BASTARD! ! ! !"_

With a feral roar, Krieg leapt into the air, his body twisting and contorting into a massive, misshapen version of himself as he hurtled towards the monster. He landed on its back, burying his axe deep in the flesh between its shoulderblades. The thing shrieked and spun, trying to snap Krieg off its back, but its neck was too short to reach him. Krieg hung on, digging one hand into the wound, his other hand hacking relentlessly with his axe.

I lay forgotten by the creature, but I forced myself back up and into the fight again. It was a massive stalker, I could tell that now- but it wasn't like any stalker we'd ever fought before. Metal parts seemed to be attached all over its body, and slag was leaking visibly from some of the tubing and robotic joints.

I couldn't wait for my head to clear any further. I threw out my hand and focused all my will, feeling the power build under my skin. I screamed my determination as I lashed out, but I didn't try to immobilize the stalker. Instead, I grabbed at its mind, trying to seize the savage, brutal consciousness underneath all the muscle and power.

This stalker's mind was different from others. It was part machine, controlled and guided from somewhere else, but I was still able to scramble its thought processes and motor functions just enough.

It stopped thrashing and snapping long enough for Krieg to cleave its skull in two.

My link with the stalker dissipated as its life was snuffed out. I bent over, gasping in relief and trying to regain my balance.

"You alright, Pretty Lady?"

I looked up as Krieg ran towards me, shrinking back to his normal, well-built self. I smiled what must have been a pretty wiped out smile and nodded, trying to ignore the ache in my ribs. "I'll manage. Let's finish this."

We didn't meet up with any other serious resistance along the way. I blew out the damper and radioed Gaige. "Damper's down. Standing by."

[Got it! We're just waiting for Axton to report back, hold tight!]

"Copy." I slumped against the wall. "Keep an eye down that end of the hall. I've got this one."

"On it!" Krieg pulled his gun and spun around, watching the security door for any sign of attack.

I put my back to him and focused on the other end of the hall, waiting for the word that everyone else was going to make it out.

I kind of wished we had another set of guns in the hall right then. Would've been nice to have the backup. And I do admire the artistry of two-handed, bullet-spawned destruction.

* * *

"You did _not_ fight a slag-powered cyborg stalker," Axton insisted.

"Would I lie?" Maya asked innocently. "Ask Krieg if you don't believe me."

Axton glanced at Krieg, sitting beside him with arms folded and an almost tangible air of cockiness. "Like that's going to get me anywhere."

"Were _you_ there?" Gaige asked with even greater smugness. "No. So let her tell the story _her_ way."

"Actually, that's pretty much it for my part," Maya admitted, missing the look Axton shot Gaige. "Who's next?"

* * *

The gauntlet is thrown.

Brick nods, accepts my challenge.

Who will win the day?

 

A face, smashed by fist

Throws blood and tears around us.

Brick's first kill tonight.

 

An engineer falls,

My blade lancing through his heart.

I'm up by two now.

 

Back and forth it goes,

The war for supremacy.

He's a tough rival.

 

The damper appears

Guarded by seven more foes.

A winner is nigh.

 

The last man is down,

And I have edged out Brick's count.

Time to blow this joint.

* * *

"You _would_ do it that way," Gaige laughed.

:) "Such is my style."

"Which brings us to _me!_ " Salvador leaped to his feet, standing on his armchair, arms akimbo. "Here we go!"

* * *

Huyeron delante de nosotros, corriendo como-

* * *

"Uh, Sal, ol' buddy? Nobody here speaks Spanish."

"Huh? Oh, right! It was just me an' Mordy back then, so I forgot. Here, I'll start again..."

* * *

They fled before us, running like the cowards that ran from the bulls of our ancestors so long ago. But unlike those bulls, our horns reach further than they can run, and they fall under our hooves, doomed to return to the dust we trample them into.

No, that's wrong. WE ARE MEN, and THEY are the animals! They know our fury as we fall upon them, rage and power and divine righteousness! With but a single shot, my brother silences three bleating sheep. By the flash of his blade, he sends another back to the welcoming arms of his god. He is here for family slain, and his vengeance will not be denied this day.

I am here for him, for the fallen, for my world, and for MYSELF! _I_ am the right AND left hand of _GOD ALMIGHTY!_ _I_ am the ULTIMATE POWER in the universe, and I throw my _everything_ into the slaughter and destruction around me!

Faced with the unmistakeable truth of my existence, what can I do but laugh?

And laugh I do. My voice makes the roof tremble, and is heard throughout all corners of the world! The men who die by my hand today will go to their maker, and will say, "To a TRUE MAN did I die! Would that I could live my life again, to die by his guns once more! It was a death worth living for!"

The men and machines have fallen by the wayside, and now my brother and I stand before our goal. It is a tiny thing, metal and electricity, hardly worthy of our time. It cannot feel the exquisite truth of fear, the delight of its impending death at my hands and guns. It makes me weep, to destroy such a pitiful thing.

But I do destroy it, though it make my heart heavy. For through the destruction of this pathetic piece of machinery, my good and worthy sister will wreak the destruction of So MUCH _MORE_!

And so it is done, this last fragment of a barrier to the _glorious destruction_ of all that is around us! As the world begins to explode, I feel myself dissolve, to break into the pure light of infinity, and I scream to the universe that which is my Ultimate Truth, and my One Guiding Principle:

_I AM ALL THAT IS MAN! ! ! !_

* * *

 

The echo of Salvador's triumphant shout resounded around the dome several times before finally fading back into silence. He beamed at his friends expectantly. "Eh? Eh? How ya like _that_ one?"

Axton stuck a finger in his ear and wiggled it vigorously before answering. "That's one hell of world you live in, buddy."

"I kinda liked it," Maya said with a little smile. "Very classical."

"Gotta admit, I didn't think you _knew_ half those words," Gaige said. She turned to Cassidy. "So there it is. Now you know how we destroyed the moonbase." She glanced sideways at Axton. "Embellishments aside, that is."

"Like I'm the only guilty party? What's with you making me out like a whiny sap? _I'm_ the one with highest bodycount around here."

"Oh, really, _hermano?_ Wanna bet?"

Cassidy leaned back and smiled as the Hunters argued and laughed with each other, happily debating who among their little crew was actually the most badass. The Vault world was just a week away, and from what she'd just heard, their antics alone promised an interesting show.

_I can't wait to see you in action again._

* * *

[Omini, Domini, I'm done. :)] 

[Well, with this one, anyway. Starting next week, I'll begin posting the true sequel to Leaving Pandora. I'm not listing Space between as complete, though, because I'm not sure it is. There's probably a few more character bits I have rattling around here somewhere.]  


[Anyway, thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy my as yet untitled second story!] 


	9. Letters from Pandora

Dear Lilith,

I'm sorry for having to correspond with you this way, but it seems we lack any other option. I'm sure you noticed the time-lag and stutters in our last communication. When I asked Cassidy about it, she informed me that there was no problem with the equipment, we've simply gone beyond the gear's designed range. Frankly, I think she was a little impressed we got this much distance. Shuttles aren't usually used so far from their motherships.

I hope you've been well these past few weeks. We've been carrying on as usual, filling our time with whatever we can find. I've read more in the past few weeks than I have in years. Wonderful library on board. I have to admit, despite our group's camaraderie, I think it's a good thing there's so few of us out here. The chance to have a few hours of total solitude is increasingly important for some of us. This is due to a slightly unpleasant discovery we only recently made.

We forgot to bring any extra alcohol.

It's not so bad for most of us. We all partook back in Sanctuary, but it's really Axton and Salvador that are suffering the most. Axton said he hasn't been this 'dry' in seven years, and poor Salvador has an almost constant withdrawal/dehydration headache. I've spent a great deal of time with him in the medical bay, trying to find a permanent remedy, but he always needs to seek me out a day or so later. I believe he and Axton are nearly desperate enough to try drinking watered-down hand sanitizer. They may have been emboldened by their experimentation with mouthwash shooters, I'm not one hundred percent certain.

Hopefully, we can prevent any further ill-conceived ventures into improvised drunkenness, and instead provide a fairly logical alternative. Gaige and I have a plan, but it will require your aid quickly, before we lose even this limited means of communication.

Salvador lamented that included with the six crates of forgotten spirits was his grandmother's personal recipe for their traditional family brew. If you could locate the recipe and send it to us via this channel, Gaige is convinced she could brew it from materials on board. She's quite enthusiastic about the prospect; I believe she's already designing the still.

If you could locate the recipe, you would have seven very grateful people on this ship.

Has your pregnancy been advancing smoothly? How are Brick and Mordecai? Any changes on the Hyperion front?

-Maya

* * *

Hey, killer!

ain't that funny? i'm the one taking a mission from you for once! :)

i'll look for Sal's recipe. if i can't find it, maybe i can get in touch with his grandma, we'll see.

the little one is still healthy, and hasn't caused me any problems. i'm not even showing much. between that and the med gear on our shuttle, i might get off with an easy ride. here's hoping, right?

some news on the Hyperion front. Brick n' Mordy are tracking an old frenemy now. with any luck, they'll have her in captivity soon. she's got one very important question to answer.

Lilith

p.s. found the recipe like two seconds before i mailed this. Sal's grandma wrote it on the back of his wanted poster. good luck with your moonshine, save me some for when you get back! (and i can drink it again)

* * *

Liiiiiiiiillllllllleeeeeeeeeeeee!

Thx 4 the rcepi! Gage mad it reeeeely gud, and I miiiiiiiiight have had a liiiiiiiittttle too mcuh. Sals soooo hapy. I like it when he's happi. I like it when every1s hapy dont yuou liek it when were all hippy? U do, i no you dooooo. Yer a good leader lady, you reeaaallly are. Yes, you r! Who's a good leader? It's uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Youll bee a gret mommy. too. I never had a mom, did I tell you that? I wanted one when I was little, but the _brothers_ wouldnt git me 1. Losta brothers, but no mommy or daddy. They werent even _good_ brothers. they were more like.. really... really, really, _not_ good brothers. Ooh, ooh, I know! I should tack this shoip, you sohuld take the shuddle, and we;ll both go attack the planet I gerw up on! we should totally do it, it'll be greeeeeeaaaat! Write me back!

-Maya

* * *

...good lord, girl, how much did you _drink?!_

gotta go, prisoner to interrogate. >:)

-Lil

* * *

Lilith,

Much less than you'd expect, much more than I should have. I learned- no, scratch that- we _all_ learned a valuable lesson that night: you do _not_ tangle lightly with Sal's home brew. Even now, the clicking as I type sends arrows of pain through my head. If you're wondering why I'm using a physical keyboard instead of a light panel, it's because the light panel made want to rip my eyes out due to the the pain that vision brought me. Ow.

How are you? Did you say you'd retrieved your target?

...I have to stop writing now and find Salvador. He owes me aspirin. Lots of it.

-Maya

* * *

-ome bac- -dora- Erid- -war co-ing- -eed y- -lp in battle ahe- **Error. Message corrupted due to extreme range. Deleting...**

* * *

[Just a short little chapter that wandered into my head. Still on track to resume the actual story on the 28th, and I may have a few more here as well. Thanks for reading!]


	10. Mayafiction

[Random update! Quick note, though, there's some spoilers for classic literature in here.] 

[...I promise it'll make sense.] 

* * *

Maya's life with the Order of the Impending Storm had been a long series of practice exercises. Weapons training, hand-to-hand training, agility training, tactical training... it seemed like it never stopped. She hadn't exactly _minded_ ; the physical exertions had gotten easier and more fun over the years, while the mental exercises gave her mind an acuity that had saved her life more than once.

Her time on Pandora, though, had been more satisfying than all the training years of her life. Out from under the Order's thumb, Maya was free to _use_ her training, testing her skills against real threats. Life on that wild, dangerous world had thrilled her in ways she never would have imagined.

The only thing she missed about the abbey was its library.

Countless books, across infinite subjects. No tome had ever been too dull to read at least once, no mass of paper too daunting a challenge. For years, Maya had let her mind roam the multiverse of paper and ink, and she was certain that those tales, in part, had driven her to seek more from the Order than the worthless answers they routinely doled out.

The library on their new ship wasn't as enormous physically, but it definitely had more books in it. Maya slipped into the room, selected a leather-bound reader from a shelf, and settled into a comfortable, plush chair, and opened the 'book'. The pages were blank, but that was about to change. "Computer, resume from last chapter."

 **{Confirmed.}** The blank pages glowed briefly, and writing appeared as though it had always been there. Finding the last line she remembered, Maya turned the page and read on.

The ship vanished. Woods grew up around her, filled with the sounds of night creatures. A boy and his dogs sprinted through the night, seeking their own type of challenge and prey. Maya watched silently with her mind's eye, reveling in their successes. Then, the last night. They headed out as always, but this time, they found too much-

"Why are you weeping?"

The ship reappeared. Maya tore her gaze away from the pages, and looked up to see Cassidy in the doorway. "I'm sorry?"

Cassidy touched her own cheek. "You're crying. What's causing you consternation?"

Maya brushed her face and saw droplets on her gloved hand. "Oh, it's just this old story." She smiled and sniffed. "It always gets me right at the end."

"Oh." She looked confused. "You've read those writings before?"

"Yes."

"So... you _knew_ it would set you sobbing?"

Maya raised an eyebrow. "Is there a point to this?"

"I'm just wondering why you'd subject yourself to a stimulus that makes you mournful," Cassidy explained. "It doesn't really make much sense."

"That's a little tough to explain," Maya agreed. She stood up and held out the book to Cassidy. "Maybe you'll understand if read it yourself." She started out the door, then turned back. "By the way..."

Cassidy looked up from examining the book's title. "Hm?"

"Next time you see me engrossed in a book, don't interrupt me unless the engines are blowing up. Got it?"

"Yes'm."

"Atta girl."

Maya didn't think about the exchange for the next couple of days. She practiced her shooting with Zero, spent a day hand-to-hand training with Krieg, even tried lifting weights with Axton and Salvador. She didn't run into Cassidy during that time, but nothing about that seemed odd to her. The girl spent most of her time on the bridge anyway.

Then Gaige caught up to her.

"Did you show this to Cassidy?"

Maya glanced up from her dinner. Gaige had taken seat across from her and was holding up the book Cassidy had taken. "Probably. Is it still a story about a boy and a couple dogs?"

"That's the one." Gaige's voice was a long way from its usual cheerful self. "You told her to _read_ this?"

"It's a great story! It's got loyalty, courage, determination-"

"And an ending that rips the heart out of anyone that reads it!" Gaige yelled. "You really thought _this_ should be Cassidy's first book?!"

"First?" Maya looked at the book with a slightly foreboding sensation. "First _ever?_ "

"She's a month old! Of course it's her first book _ever!_ "

Maya winced guiltily. "Oops."

"Yes, _oops._ " Gaige glared at her. "After she read it, she stayed glued to my side for a whole day. I think she half expected the mountain lion to burst out of walls and eat me." She jabbed her finger at the door. "You need to go apologize to her. Right now."

Maya found herself battling with an almost uncontrollable urge to burst out laughing, but also a surprising sense of child-like guilt. "What can I do? She already read the book, it's not like I can just erase her memory." She frowned. "Can I?"

" _No_ , you _can't,_ " Gaige growled. " _Go._ "

Of all the dangerous, deadly things Maya had battled, somehow her red-headed friend had become the most threatening creature she'd ever seen. "Yes'm."

A few minutes later, Maya stepped off the elevator and under the dome. "Cassidy?"

"Here." The voice came from its usual spot in the command chair, surrounded by a wall of holographic screens.

"Um, listen..." Maya said, walking over to the chair, "I wanted to apologize for telling you to read that book. You probably weren't ready for it, and-"

"I repaired it." Cassidy's hand stabbed out from behind the wall of light holding another book. "Read."

"Repaired...?" Baffled, Maya took the book and started leafing through the pages. "What do you mean by..." She trailed off.

_There was a low cough and a deep growl from the lion. I saw him crouch. I knew what was coming. My hands felt hot and sweaty on the smooth ash handle of the ax. With a blood-curdling scream he sprang from the tree with claws outspread and long, yellow fangs bared._

_I knew my dogs would fight. I knew they would save me. I knew they would die for me. I didn't want it. I closed my eyes, and asked for a miracle-_

_Yellow lightning flashed through my eyelids, and a thunderclap boomed through the air. The devil cat shrieked like it was being torn apart. My dogs howled, and a burst of strange noise rattled around me._

_"You can open your eyes now. You're all safe."_

_I opened my eyes, but I didn't believe them. The lion was dead on the ground, a dozen bloody holes in its side._

_"You need to be more careful. I can't always be around to save you."_

_It was a woman's voice. I looked around, and what I saw about floored me._

_A beautiful woman was kneeling by my two dogs. She was petting both of them. Dan looked happy as I'd ever seen him, and Ann was wiggling like a pup. Her left arm glowed brighter than my lantern, and, the strangest thing, she had a bright blue gun on her back._

_"Who are you?" I croaked._

_"You called. I answered." She stood up and walked towards me, Dan and Ann at her feet. She laid her hands on my shoulders. "But I can only do it once." She bent down and kissed the top of my head. "So you be careful, okay?"_

_I felt my whole body go hot, like I'd been dunked in fire. I tried to nod, but my neck felt like a rusty pump. "Yes, ma'am. I'll be careful."_

_"Good boy." She turned and started to walk away._

_"Wait!" Somehow, I managed to yell without sounding like a bullfrog. "Who are you?"_

_"Someone that knows you deserve better." There was another flash of yellow light, another roll of thunder, and I was alone with my dogs again._

Maya couldn't read any more. She stared at Cassidy through the wall of holographic screens with a mixture of amusement and embarrassment. "Really? You rewrote the ending so _I_ saved his dogs?"

"You showed me the story," Cassidy said. She sounded oddly distracted. "You were the suitable savior."

Maya sighed and leaned against Cassidy's chair. "I'm sorry I upset you with the story, but there's a lot of good stories with sad endings out there. Part of it is to help people understand that sometimes bad things happen. You can't just change them."

"Of course I can." Cassidy looked up, and Maya suddenly noticed she had another book in her hand. "Really, _rabies?_ That can be cured with a simple shot."

It took Maya a few minutes to find her voice. "Are you changing the end of _Old Yeller_?!"

"Zero zapped in with a syringe." Cassidy motioned to a stack of books by her chair. "And Axton led Lennie away from the barn, and Salvador shot Tom so she could go with Gatsby."

Maya opened her mouth... then closed it. _Well, I guess it's better than torching the book after reading it the first time._ It had taken half the monks to put out that fire.

Brother Sophis had been _extremely_ displeased.

She perched on the arm of Cassidy's chair. "You know, I bet Gaige could help Holden find his bearings."

"Probably, but there's another problem first." Cassidy glared at the next book on the stack. "I figure it'll take _all_ of you to bring down Big Brother."

"See, _that_ one I'll help you write."

* * *

[Apologies to anyone who's never read those books. Thanks for reading!]


	11. Questions from long before Leaving

"Yo, _chica_ , you ready to get going? We finally got all the parts for the sand...skiff..." Salvador trailed off as he walked up his friend. "Whatchya lookin' at?"

Maya continued to stare off into the distance, arms crossed and stern expression on her face. "I am contemplating the eccentricities of the human mind."

"Huh?"

She pointed off into the distance. "Look out there, Salvador. What do you see?"

Salvador frowned in confusion, but turned to the direction she'd indicated. There wasn't much to see; even in full daylight, Oasis had little to recommend it. Now, with night falling and the light fading, there was even less to sightsee. "Sand, rocks, few dead bandits. Why?"

"I'm looking a little higher." Maya nodded at the landscape's largest artificial structure, so massive it simply blended into the background. "Here's what I don't get. On a planet where people face constant threat of death, where the only law is what you impose for yourself and the only justice whatever comes out the barrel of your gun..." She scowled into the distance. "Who the hell was bored enough to _write_ that?"

Salvador turned and finally saw what she meant. Etched into the side of a massive, beached shipwreck, in letters at least two stories tall, the words:

_NICE PARKING! !_

* * *

[Thank you for reading!]


	12. A taste of home

Salvador eyed his creation closely. The color looked right. The shape was perfect. The smell...

He put his nose over the plate and inhaled deeply, wafting the steam towards himself as he did.

 _Hmmmm..._ He was getting closer, Salvador felt certain of it. The prickling in his nostrils was definitely a good sign, but it still didn't smell quite right. _Oh well. Only way to know is to taste it._ Carefully, Salvador folded one end of the flour tortilla over, then the left side, and finished by rolling the whole thing to the right. He raised the burrito to his mouth...

"You did _not_ eat a seventy-two ounce steak!"

"I did _too_!"

"You weigh what, one-forty including that metal arm? There's no _way_ I'll believe you ate a four and a half pound slab of meat!"

"Why, because I'm not a big strapping male like you? And it's one _twenty-three_ with the arm, thank you very much!"

Salvador looked over his meal. "What are you two yammering about?"

Axton jerked his thumb at Gaige. "Look at her, Sal. Does she _look_ like the type of person to eat that much food?"

"Maybe I don't look like that kind of person," Gaige shot back, "but I'm pretty sure I don't look like the type of person with a bodycount the size of small country, either!"

Salvador grinned. "She's got ya there, _hermano._ "

Axton threw up his hands. "Fine. Whatever." He pulled out a chair across from Salvador and dropped into it. "What about you? What are you eating?"

"This?" Salvador lifted the burrito slightly. "This is me trying to make a little piece of home."

Gaige gave the tortilla a look usually reserved for the accidental discovery of a functioning landmine. "That's... that's not like the _last_ little piece of home, is it?"

"Nah, no booze in this," Salvador assured her. "I'm just trying to get the hot sauce right." He smiled fondly. "That _is_ a family recipe."

"Pandoran hotsauce, huh?" Axton leaned forward, licking his lips. "I do love me a good, spicy taco."

"Me, too," Salvador said, sighing deeply. "I just can't get it, though. Not enough kick to any of my tries."

"This is your latest attempt?" Gaige asked, taking the seat next to Axton.

"Yep." Salvador bit into the burrito and chewed thoughtfully, feeling the texture of his food. "Hmm... closer, but still not right." He sighed again and set it back on his plate.

"Mind if I try a bite?" Axton asked. "I haven't eaten all day, and that smells _delicious_."

"Go ahead," Salvador said, sliding the plate over. "If I'm gonna get a taste of home, it's gotta be the _right_ taste. This one's just another failure."

"Cool, thanks." Axton picked up the burrito and started raising it to his mouth-

"Hang on!" Gaige's hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. "Let me have half! I wanna try it, too!" She smiled at Salvador. "Even if the hot sauce came out weak, Sal's a surprisingly good cook."

"Get your own! He gave it to me!"

"It's big burrito! Come on!"

"I don't know why you two are fighting over it," Salvador said morosely. "I told you, it's no good."

"Let _us_ be the judges of that." Gaige looked at Axton again. "Come on, split it with me."

"Oh, _fine._ " Grudgingly, Axton pulled out his tomahawk and sliced the burrito in two. "Here. Enjoy."

Gaige glared at him. "Really? With the thing you've used to chop into people?"

"If you don't like it, don't eat it," Axton said haughtily. He set the weapon on the table. A thin line of Salvador's hot sauce lay on the edge. "Besides, I wash it. Occasionally."

"Dick." Gaige scooped up the burrito.

"Wuss." Axton raised his half back to his mouth.

Salvador glanced forlornly at Axton's tomahawk. "See what I mean? By now, the _real_ burn should have kicked in. The sauce should have done _way_ more than take the rust off."

Axton and Gaige, mouths full of burrito, paused _much_ too late. "Whaf?"

" _Abuela's_ recipe would have dissolved that thing by now! My weak little version's barely taken off a quarter inch of metal."

The next few seconds were very confused. Salvador had an impression of meat and vegetables flying across the mess decks, propelled by the explosive force of a pair of bodies acting out of the very deepest survival instincts. Then a mad scramble of limbs as both his friends practically levitated out of the room, dragged by their tongues to find the nearest source of relief for the inferno now blazing in their own, far too personal caustic caverns.

"Water doesn't help," Salvador called helpfully. "Try to find some milk!"

Alone amidst the failure of his burrito, he sighed again and wiped up a stray trail of his attempt at the family brew known as the Ovejas Surprise. He licked his finger, despairing at the miniscule burn. _Bleah. Can't even use this as Stalker mace. Maybe with a few more corrosive rounds..._

* * *

Down in the medical bay, Maya looked at Axton and Gaige and tried desperately not to laugh. _It's_ not _funny,_ she told herself. She blinked with the effort of holding back tears. _It's_ not funny _that they're both standing there with their tongues in the air, eyes watering and looking like they stuck their heads in the same water trough._

"How do you even _get_ chemical burns on your _tongue?_ " Her voice was _mostly_ stable.

"Jutht get the heawing tabew weady, wiww wou?" Axton ordered as best he could.

"Weah." Gaige punched her fist into her metal palm. "We have _buithneth_ wiff Thalwadaw."

* * *

[Seriously, thanks.]  



	13. Old school training

"I don't get it," Salvador said as he walked into the gym. "I thought Zero was teaching you all the hand-to-hand stuff."

"He is."

"So what do you want me for, _pilota?_ "

Cassidy shrugged and took position across from Salvador. "He's too good a teacher. I can't truly test my skills since he's the one showing me all the tricks."

"Makes sense," Salvador agreed, wrapping tape around his knuckles. "But why me? I'm a shooter."

"Because you're also one badass barroom brawler!" Cassidy exclaimed. "I've viewed some video from Ovejas where you bashed a bunch of bandits bare-fisted, and I-"

"Whoa, whoa, _un momento._ " Salvador held up a finger. "What video?"

Cassidy made a few quick motions in the air. "This one."

A holoscreen flashed up between them. Salvador laughed as he saw a much younger version of himself in the video, roaring with battle fury and sloshed to the gills. "Oh, I remember _this_ fight! That was the third time I had to rebuild the saloon." He grinned as the lad on screen seized a goliath around its distended neck and swung it like a mace. "They were still picking glass out of the peanuts a month later."

"So you're the perfect partner!" Cassidy enthused. "I want you to be as brutal a battler, as fierce a fighter, as aggressive an adversary as possible!"

"So why am I here, and not Krieg? _He's_ the man for up close and personal brutality."

Cassidy hesitated. "Let's see how this showdown goes," she finally said. "If you don't _completely_ kick my kiester, I'll call on Krieg."

"Fair enough." Salvador grinned. "Just remember, you asked for this."

He lunged.

His move caught her off guard, letting him seize her around the waist. She reacted quickly, rolling backward with the impact and trying to land on top of him.

As the veteran of a thousand drunken bar fights (and a few sober ones), Salvador was ready for it. He let go in mid-tumble, sliding to a halt a foot away. His feet caught the mat, and he kicked off towards Cassidy again, trying to catch her before she could get back on balance.

Cassidy's body flickered, and Salvador found himself flying through her shoulders. He landed on his stomach and gave a bark of laughter. "Zero really _has_ been teaching you the tricks!"

"Sure has!" A pair of arms encircled his, and her grinning face appeared over his shoulder. "Submit?"

"Nope!" Salvador's head whipped back.

Cassidy stumbled backwards, a hand to her face. "Ow. You hit _hard._ "

"Yep!" Salvador ignored the fact his skull was aching like he'd headbutted an airlock door and swung at her jaw. She managed to turn that blow aside, but Salvador snuck a jab in under her guard, striking a place that usually had his opponent rolling on the ground. Cassidy stumbled backwards, but she was still standing.

_Metal skin_ , Salvador reflected, flexing his fingers. _I might be getting a bad deal here._ He smirked. _Time to fight_ really _dirty._ He reached down to his belt and flicked on his shield.

His next blow rocked her, sending her staggering back as an explosion rippled over her skin. For a brief second, Salvador got an impression of black metal and a mouthless skull, then her normal appearance reasserted itself.

He didn't waste the second. He followed up with a series of rapid blows, too fast for her to block. Cassidy stumbled backwards and dropped to the mat, panting.

Salvador lowered his fists and grinned. "Give up?"

She flickered.

_Should've known better,_ he thought hazily. _Seen Zero pull that trick_ how _many times?_

Salvador came to the gradual realization that he was on his back and staring up at the ceiling. Cassidy's face appeared at the edge of his vision, concerned and uneasy. "Um... did I overdo it?"

His response was to punch straight up at her nose. The explosion sent her reeling, and he rolled to his feet and lunged again. "Come on, _pilota!_ You ain't even loosened a tooth yet!"

Determination locked her face into a scowl. She planted her feet and whipped her arms up, sinking into a perfect combat stance.

Salvador ignored her and swung at the empty air to his left. Sparks flew as his shield crashed against _not_ empty air. His other hand darted out towards where he figured his opponent's head must be-

Invisible fingers caught his fist and held on, squeezing with just enough strength to show there was a lot _more_ strength in there. Salvador responded by using the grip as leverage to swing a two-booted kick into his cloaked opponent's stomach.

Another ripple of air and metal, then she was back, dropping to the deck in a leg sweep. She came up as Salvador toppled backwards, fist cocked and glowing _blue-_

"Shoot to kill!"

A blur of metal and wood crashed against Cassidy's head. A blast of sparks erupted from her left eye, and she fell back, dazed.

"Play to thrill!" Salvador saw a massive blur streak towards Cassidy, hands outstretched.

"Eeep!" Cassidy threw her arms out, as if she were trying catch Krieg-

A wave of electricity washed over Krieg as he crashed into Cassidy's outstretched hands. A low, sinister crackle filled the air, and suddenly he was flung into a far wall. He slid to the ground, unmoving.

Salvador pushed himself back onto his feet. "Now, where were-"

"Krieg!" Cassidy darted around Salvador, completely ignoring him. He watched, bemused, as she rushed to the bigger man's side. "Can you hear me? Can you communicate?"

"He's fine!" Salvador assured her, walking over. "He's had worse from _me._ "

"But I shocked him!" Cassidy said, horrified. "I hit him with enough electricity to enflame an elephant! He-"

"I _love_ the fire, little nightingale!" Krieg's voice was a little blurry, but he pumped his arm in the air with all his usual enthusiasm. "Now sing me a song of lightning and wild swans!"

Cassidy blushed and stood up quickly. "I- I don't-"

"Whoa, _chica!_ " Salvador grabbed her arm and looked closely at her. "I think something's wrong with your face."

"My face?" Cassidy reached up to her left eye, where Krieg's axe had struck her. "What's wrong with it?"

"It's all... flickery. I can kinda see your eye socket."

" _What?_ " Cassidy pressed her fingers up to her eye, then _through_ her eye. "You're _right._ His strike shorted several circuits!" A look of anxiety came over her face. "My holographic field is failing!"

"Injury is good for the body!" Krieg growled, pushing himself up. "Scars look great on the soul!" He scooped up his axe and waved it over his head. "Let's give you some more!"

"I can't!" Cassidy shook her head and started for the door. "I can't fight with a system failure!"

"Fights ain't always clean, _chica,_ " Salvador cautioned. "You think I walked outta that bar fight without some scrapes?"

Cassidy halted and turned around. "I can deal with _damage,_ " she said irritably. "Your punches dealt plentiful punishment. But fighting without my field..." An even deeper blush ran over her wavering face. "That's like... battling in the buff."

"What's the problem fightin' naked?" Salvador asked, shrugging. "I lost half my clothes in that barfight and the other half breakin' outta jail."

"It's entirely embarrassing!"

Salvador chuckled and glanced at Krieg. "A modest robot. Who'd woulda figured?" He pulled off his shirt. "Maybe we can help her get over the shy thing, eh?"

"Feel the breeze!" Krieg growled. His belt dropped to the floor. "Back to the Greek games!"

Cassidy's jaw dropped. "What are you _doing?!_ "

"It's no problem if we're _all_ fighting naked, right?" Salvador offered. "Come on, let's get back to it!"

"Nope. Nope nope nopenope _nope_." Cassidy turned and walked swiftly away, her hand still pressed to her eye.

Salvador shrugged and tossed the last of his clothing aside. "Oh well, her loss." He turned back to Krieg. "Ready, _amigo?_ "

"Born free, salsa master!"

* * *

Out in the hallway, a very confused Maya looked over her shoulder, trying to figure out where Cassidy had been going at a near sprint. It didn't make much sense. There were the sounds of fighting coming from the gymnasium, but a simple brawl shouldn't have sent her-

Maya's train of thought derailed as she came up on the gym's open door. Her feet halted. She blinked a few times. Then she leaned casually against the door, nibbling on the tip of her finger as she watched.

_Oh, my..._

* * *

[If you made it this far, you've got my undying gratitude. And sympathy. :D]   



	14. Perhaps a little

Axton glared at Zero in frustration. “You know, if you're gonna keep curbstomping me like this, you could at least let me get the first move for once.”

Zero shrugged. “You lost the coin toss, And thus your choice of pieces.” :) He casually tapped the ivory figures on the board. “Black moves _second,_ pal.”

“Until he can't move anymore.” Axton sighed and knocked over his king. “You've got me. I resign.”

“ _Again?_ How many times is that now, Ax?”

Axton looked away from the board and saw Maya walking into the messroom. “Thirty-seven games in three days. Zero here has been kicking my ass up one side and down the other.”

Maya took a seat next to Axton and gave him a puzzled look. “Why are you even playing chess? Aren't you usually working out with Salvador right now?”

“I _was,_ until I couldn't stand the smell.” He made a face. “He just won't listen, either.”

“I've noticed,” Maya said dryly. “I may have to do something about that.”

“I'll help,” Axton promised. He glared at Zero. “Just as soon as I beat this guy. Or at least get past the damn fifteenth move.”

“I _could_ make it worse.”  >:) “Would you prefer defeat in A mere _seven_ moves?”

Axton stared. “You're bluffing.”

:) “Try me.”

Five moves and three minutes later, Axton cursed and flicked over his king. “You _dick._ ”

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ “Perhaps a little.”

Maya had to restrain a snicker at Axton's face. “Scoot over, Ax. Let me field the next one.”

They both glanced at her in surprise. “I was unaware you played,” Zero said.

“Brother Sophis insisted I learn. He said it would teach me to think strategically and tactically.” Maya looked at the board, the ghost of pride on her face. “He stopped playing me when I was six.”

“He thought you'd learned enough?” Axton guessed.

Maya smiled mischievously. “He was pissed he couldn't beat me anymore.”

':] “Let's see if _I_ can.”

The battle began.

Axton watched it all unfold. He watched the black and white armies clash and retreat, saw the weak sacrificed to protect the strong, the strong outflanked by the clever. In the span of half an hour, he realized how much Zero had been toying with him.

Finally, forty-five minutes after their game had begun, Maya shook her head and tipped over her king. “Dammit. You've got me in three moves.”

“I nearly didn't,” Zero admitted. “If you had not been deceived By my pawn's gambit...” 'R I P'

Her expression lightened. “We'll have to play again.”

:) “Yes.”

“Thought you were all about the challenge, Z,” Axton grumbled. “Where's the challenge in toying with me?”

'LOL' “The challenge was in Training you to be better Without your knowledge.”

His mouth dropped open. “You smug bastard!” He waved at the board. “I'll pay you to play 'im again, Maya. _Beat_ him, and I'll throw in any gun you want.”

Maya shrugged, grinned, and looked at Zero. “Rematch?”

>:) “Do your very worst, My dear mercenary friend. You won't defeat me.”

An hour and a half later, Maya sighed in disgust and turned to Axton. “Well, it looks like your armory is safe.”

Axton grimaced. “Damn. I thought for sure you had him three or four times there.”

“Just traps that would've led to my defeat.” She glowered at Zero. “I missed the last one.”

:) “You may want to know, I've never been pushed so far. Very impressive.”

A rough chuckle echoed around the room. “No-Face, playing on the kiddie rides! Let a _real_ butcher show you how to cut!”

" _Krieg?_ ” Maya looked around. “Where-?”

“Wrong direction.” Axton pointed to the ceiling. Krieg's masked face was just visible through the air vent overhead.

Maya laughed. “What are you doing in _there?_ ”

“Pay no attention to the conductor in the spotlight!” Krieg's voice was as close to casual as his gravelly roars ever got. “Go on planting cooked beef!”

Axton frowned. “Okay, that one I didn't get.”

“He says we're playing wrong,” Maya translated, frowning slightly. “How so, Krieg?”

“Odysseus' lure was fine!” Krieg's finger inched out of the grating and pointed at Zero. “It's the deceptive absence that's tied on backwards!”

>:/ “Are you kidding me?” Zero demanded. “I am always the victor. My game is flawless.”

Maya held back a smirk. “If it's flawless, how come I keep pushing you so hard?” she prodded.

“ _You_ keep out of this.” Zero sounded more irritated than they'd ever heard him. His faceplate stayed blank, but he seemed to be glaring at the vent. “Are you challenging my skills? Would you test yourself?”

“I'd taste _your_ rarity!” The grate dropped to the floor with a clatter, and somehow Krieg wormed his way through a space half his size. “Are you overdone...” he stared intently at Zero, mask against faceplate, “or _bloody_?”

>:| “Bring it on, psycho.”

Maya grinned and climbed out of her seat. “Good luck, big guy.”

“Hang on.” Axton's face morphed into a conniving smile. “I was gonna reward you to beat Zero. I think _you_ should reward Krieg if he wins.”

She considered. “Seems fair.” Maya smiled. “You even manage to _annoy_ Zero, and you've definitely earned a kiss.”

Zero instantly tipped over his king.

 

* * *

[This episode was made possible by the inventors of chess, the letter Z, and by readers like you!] 


	15. From the journals of Dr. Tannis

yo yo yo my LADIEZZZ! ! ! brick and I snagged this from tannis she wasnt done yet so I gotta send fast b4 she catches up njoy! ! ! !

Tina

* * *

TO: Wandering Vault Hunters

FROM: Patricia Tannis, PhD

To all concerned,

I am attaching in this communique my initial draft of notes and observations regarding your various selves. Please read through it and inform me of any changes you believe I should make. I will most likely ignore them, given that most of you do not possess any significant measure of book learning and those that do are nowhere near my own academic level, but they will make amusing distractions.

Sincerely,

P. Tannis

The subjects known colloquially as 'Vault Hunters' share many characteristics, despite their wide variety of personality types and combat styles. In anticipation of my eventual return to the universal scientific community and expectation of numerous demands on my knowledge about these individuals, I am compiling a list of notable quirks, oddities, and other instances of import regarding such personages.

 _Violence:_ All Vault Hunters display a proclivity towards the violent end of the human spectrum. Their motivations for using it are detailed elsewhere, but they all regard a gunshot as the quickest means to an end. In most of the Six Galaxies, such an outlook is punishable by imprisonment, death, or forced military service. On Pandora, this is an entirely healthy mental state and should not be held against them.

 _Personal Bonds:_ Vault Hunters trend towards a solitary existence, most likely because there are few others willing to stand beside them. This may be due to their tendency to destroy anything and everything at the smallest provocation. However, when a Vault Hunter does in fact make 'friends', visual evidence suggests there is nothing they will not do for those closest to them. In my time on Pandora, I have witnessed acts of camaraderie and devotion the likes of which have only been heretofore seen in overly sentimental films about children and their dogs. The ties these people forge from the blood of others may in fact be the strongest bonds in the history of humanity.

 _Motivations:_ As should be self evident by their title, unless you have mental capacity of a disabled rutabaga, the Vault Hunters seek the ancient Eridian Vaults, those mysterious strongholds of power, monsters, knowledge, and, of course, loot. By my own firsthand observation, six Vault Hunters sought the more base side of gain, money and/or power with all their associated pleasures. Two embarked into that dangerous life because they had no better option (one of these two was also partially motivated by love, though that is hardly worthy of mention). One was solely interested in the challenge, and one sought only truth. I do not expect that these numbers will translate perfectly to the numerous Hunters scattered across the Six Galaxies, but it does provide evidence that most Vault Hunters are in it for the loot. Plan accordingly in your dealings.

Addendum: It is worth noting that no Hunter ever failed to squeal with glee at a sufficiently enticing piece of loot, whatever their deepest desires.

 _Emotional capability:_ Some people would claim the Vault Hunters are brave in their actions, to constantly pit themselves against the unknown in their pursuit of uncertain gain. I would not be one of those people. This is not to say I consider them cowards; no one that embarks on such a life could ever be regarded as such. But I do not call them brave because, in my observation, they are almost _entirely_ _without fear._ A brave person will note that their life is in danger and take action despite that. The Vault Hunters never seem to consider that they _could_ die. Nor do they show any fear of being thought foolish or failing in their goals, or of any consequence from taking a mission. In nearly every aspect of life, a Vault Hunter is literally fearless.

The exception to this total absence of fear links back to their personal relationships. I have taken particular note of when two Vault Hunters exhibited considerable fear. In both cases, the life of one they held most precious was threatened. In the first case, the return of that individual resulted in an exhibitionistic celebration a short while later. (This prompted Sanctuary's handful of bashful citizens to turn their eyes away, while prompting everyone else to pull out some manner of recording device. ECHOnet search keywords: hot redhead, tattoos, tackle, well-defined pectorals, shredded clothing.)

The second instance, a short while later, did not garner such a voyeristically uplifting end. That... individual was lost, to the great despair of her Vault Hunting compatriot. The loss of said individual prompted the grieving Vault Hunter to unleash a maelstrom of destruction upon a much larger, seemingly more dangerous force. (ECHOnet search keywords: holy, F***, did, you, see, THAT.)

 _Sexual attractiveness:_ Those that choose the life of a Vault Hunter must be physically capable and in prime condition. This makes them all highly desirable sexual partners especially that big one brick he is the hottest of the hotties and I would totally bang his brains BRICK GET OFF MY ECHO DICTATION SYSTEM THIS SECOND make me if you can STOP HOLDING MY ECHO OVER YOUR HEAD Tina catch GET BACK HERE YOU LITtle monst...( _Error_ : _audio threshold too low to continue recording_ )

* * *

Relaxing in the ship's lounge, Axton chuckled and closed the email. "Tannis' letters always end right when they get good." He glanced around to make certain he wasn't about to be interrupted, then turned back to his holo-screen. "Let's see... hot... redhead... pectorals..."

* * *

[Thanks for reading!]


	16. Six weeks in space

Maya stared out at the black infinite. The stars blurred past as the light years dropped away, their ship putting ever more distance between her and the entire galaxy she'd always known. _Have to come back here later,_ she thought absently. _This window would be_ perfect _for meditation._

"Reminds me of one of those little lookie-tubes."

She blinked and pulled her gaze away from the endless dark. "What?"

Salvador leaned on the transparent material and waved a hand at the stars. "The sky outside. Makes me think of looking through one of those little toys you'd get as a kid that showed all kinds of colors and stuff. I don't know the real name."

Maya frowned, trying to puzzle out what he meant. "Um... holo-projector?"

"Nah, this wasn't that fancy. Just a tube you looked into. Caledi-something."

"Oh, you mean a kaleidoscope."

"Sounds right," he agreed. "Never could get the name right."

Maya shrugged. "Never had one. I think the most I'd ever heard of them was in books."

"No foolin'?" Salvador grunted. "I figured the Order would've given you anything you wanted."

"The Order was more concerned with teaching to fight," Maya snorted. "My first 'toy' was a wooden sword."

Salvador grinned. "That's pretty good. My first toy was a rock."

Maya couldn't help smiling a little. "A rock, huh?"

"Yep! _Mi hermanos_ got the sticks, and _mi hermana_ got the strip of skag gut." He chuckled. "All part of _abeula's_ plan to get us to play nice."

She ran that around her mind a few times. It still didn't make much sense. "A stick, a rock, and _skag_ _intestines_ were supposed to get you to play together?"

"Two sticks," Salvador corrected. "One for each of _mi hermanos_. And skag gut is really stretchy."

_Two sticks, elastic material, and a rock..._ Maya clapped a hand to her forehead. "She gave you the parts for a three-man slingshot."

" _Exactamente,_ " Salvador laughed. "One brother each to hold the sticks, and my sister and I launched the rock." He sighed fondly. "You shoulda seen how far we could shoot that ol' hunk of dirt."

"Of course, these days you've got access to a little more firepower," Maya pointed out.

" _Si._ There's nothin' like sluggin' a rakk from two hundred yards with nothin' but a rock, though."

"I'll take your word for it." She watched the stars trail silently by for another minute. Then... "Two hundred _yards?!_ "

He shrugged. "Skag gut is really, _really_ stretchy." He grinned again. "And my sister was one strong _chica_."

* * *

"How long did it take you to learn that?" Salvador asked.

"Learn the moves? Not long." Maya focused on the narrow bar of wood under her bare feet. " _Perfecting_ those moves?" She tensed her legs and kicked off, the room spinning dizzily as she backflipped along the beam, her feet arching over head. The world righted itself as the impact of her landing rippled through her muscles, and she leapt again, spinning twice, three times before stopping at the end of the balance beam, arms in the air. "Still working on that."

Salvador gave a low whistle and applauded a few times. "Coulda fooled me. That looked _fantástico._ "

Maya smirked at him. "You're just saying that because of the outfit. It's amazing what shorts and a sports bra do to a man's brain." She gathered her strength and leapt backwards, twisting in the air, spiraling towards the mat-

Her feet slapped against the soft plastic, knees bending to cushion her landing. Maya raised her arms again and huffed out an irritated sigh. "I never _could_ get some of the trickier stuff."

" _That_ wasn't tricky?" Salvador asked incredulously. _"Chica,_ I've seen _rivers_ that don't flow that smooth."

Maya laughed and scooped up her towel. "You should see how the professionals do this," she said, wiping her face. "Compared to them, I'm a too-tall, big-chested cow."

"I'd watch your stuff over some 'pro' any time," Salvador said flatly. "Besides, how many of _them_ can handle a gun like you?"

She leaned against the beam. "Not many," she admitted, drying the sweat from her stomach. "Seven-year-old me always liked doing this kind of thing more than shooting." She smiled faintly. "That and dancing."

"So how come you didn't?"

Maya shrugged as casually as she could, some her enjoyment fading. "Sophis thought my time was better spent shooting guns instead of gymnastics or ballet." She sighed. "Eventually I convinced him to let me do this kind of thing under the guise of agility training, but I certainly wasn't seven any more."

"Oh." Salvador shuffled awkwardly. "Sorry."

She waved a hand and tried to shove away the old regret. "Not your fault." She ran her palm over the beam affectionately. "For a while, though, I was _really_ good," Maya sighed. "In fact, there was this one time-" She stopped. "Never mind."

"What? What is it?"

"Boring," Maya said quickly. "Not to mention embarrassing."

Salvador's grin reappeared. "Oh, now you _gotta_ tell me."

Maya half-glared, half-smirked at him. "Am I going to get a moment's peace from you if I _don't_ tell?"

"Nope!"

"Oh, fine." She jabbed a finger at him. "But you can't tell _anyone,_ not even Axton while you're lifting weights."

He nodded and made a zipping motion across his lips. "So...?"

"Well, when I was ten, I snuck out of the abbey," Maya started, leaning against the beam. "I wanted to..." her face grew slightly warm at the memory "I wanted to try out for the Athenas Zero-G Dancers' Troupe."

Salvador blinked. "The acrobat guys?"

It was Maya's turn to be surprised. "You've heard of them?"

"You _kiddin'_ me? A bunch of beautiful women wearing tight clothes and doing crazy dance moves? You _bet_ I'd heard of 'em!"

She folded her arms and glowered at him. "It was purely physical interest, then? I don't suppose the artistry of it caught your attention, or the fact it takes _years_ of training to pull off some of those moves."

He gave her a smirk that was half leer. "So _you_ never noticed there were just as many ripped, flexible, half naked _guys_ in there too?"

The temperature of Maya's cheeks flared up ten degrees. _Maybe a little._ "Of course not!"

Salvador just chuckled and kept grinning at her.

"Stop that!" Maya threw her towel in Salvador's eyes. She trotted quickly for the door while he was blinded, hoping her hadn't caught her playful smile.

"Yo, Maya!" Salvador called cheerfully. "You still remember the dance you used to try out? I'd watch _that_ all day!"

Maya chose not to look backwards and let him see her grin. She _did_ offer a hand gesture that had once gotten her a slap on the wrist and an hour long lecture from Brother Sophis.

"Hey! That's my move!"

* * *

"I don't know how you can do that."

Maya glanced up from her book to see Salvador standing in the library door. "Do what?"

"That." He walked in, motioning to the book in her hand. "Sit there for hours, just staring at words on paper. Don't you get bored?"

"Of course not!" Maya protested. "Reading a good book is more than just staring at words, Salvador. It's like being pulled into an entirely different world."

" _Chica,_ we're on a spaceship flying to the edge of two galaxies to look for an ancient alien Vault. How many new worlds do you _need_?"

Maya gave him a sour look. "And until we _get_ there, we're surrounded by nothing but the same walls day in and day out. I like to send my mind somewhere else, even if my body can't follow." She motioned to one of the free armchairs. "You should join me."

Salvador waved a hand. "Nah. Never really was one for sittin' still. And reading?" He scoffed. "Only things _I_ ever read were bullet calibers."

"Your loss," Maya said, returning her eyes to the page. "I think you might even like this one."

"Nah," he said again, and headed for the door.

Maya read silently for another few minutes, and then...

"What's it about?"

She looked up with a little smile. Salvador was standing half-in, half-out of the door. "Betrayal," she said seductively. "Money, power, love..." she grinned wickedly, " _revenge._ "

"Huh." Salvador took a few steps closer. "Sounds better than the books _mi abuela_ used to read."

"Oh?"

" _Si_. Those all had half-naked guys on the covers with women staring at 'em like they wanted to eat 'em or something. You ever read those?"

"The Order's library didn't have anything like that," Maya said, trying desperately to not blush as she thought of the ship's library book currently resting on her nightstand. "Did _you_?"

"Nah. Too busy stealing the ammo boxes she had underneath 'em." He circled Maya's chair and looked over her shoulder. "What's it called?"

" _Le Comte de Monte Cristo,_ " Maya recited.

" _¿Qué?_ "

" _The Count of Monte Cristo_ ," she translated. "You've really got to read it in the original tongue to get the truest experience."

"Count me out then," Salvador grunted. "I can get through Truxican fine, but that's it."

Maya blinked. "Really? You speak English, but you can't read it?"

"I can read enough of it," Salvador said, waving a hand. "My wanted poster, at least."

She frowned slightly. Something in his voice bothered her. "Sal... would you _like_ to learn to read English?"

"Naaaah," he scoffed. "What's the point?"

She closed her book on one finger. "Well...you'd be able to enjoy a good book with me, for one thing."

Salvador raised an eyebrow.

"Or alone," she added hastily. "Whichever."

He was quiet for a minute, just looking at her. "Like I said, I can read Truxican fine," he finally said. "I don't need English."

"And you don't _need_ every single high quality piece of loot you find," Maya pointed out. "We've still got an entire armory full of that type of stuff, though. There's no reason _not_ to learn more than one language."

Salvador gave her another long, curious look before he said anything. "How many languages do _you_ read?"

"Six," Maya replied. "And I speak four of those fluently. The other two are mostly dead languages, so I don't have as much practice."

He whistled. "Why did you learn all that?"

"I _wanted_ to," she said. "Languages were were one of the rare times that what I found interesting _also_ jibed with what the Order thought I should learn." She shrugged. "I took advantage and learned as many as I could."

"Huh." He drummed his fingers on his belt for a second. "Did you learn Truxican?"

"Well... no, actually," she admitted. "It wasn't very common on Athenas, so the monks didn't teach it."

"Aw." Salvador looked disappointed. "I was kinda hopin' you did. It'd be fun to talk in it for a while. Kinda miss it out here."

Maya smiled slowly as a thought occurred. "How about this: I'll teach you to read English, but I'll do it in Truxican."

"Huh? You said you don't speak it."

"I'll learn," Maya said. "You can help me improve during your reading lessons. Just give me a few days to build up a working vocabulary."

Salvador chuckled and started for the door again. "Sure, _chica._ You learn Truxican and I'll learn to read English." He was still laughing as he headed down the hall.

Maya stared after him for a few seconds before opening her book again. "Computer."

**{Online.}**

"Change language. Truxican."

Three days later, Maya strolled onto the mess decks while Salvador was eating. She dropped into the seat across from him, a large book in her arms and a smile on her face. " _Hola, Salvador. Cómo estás hoy?_ "

Salvador blinked. "Uh... _bien_." He frowned and switched to English. "What're you doing?"

Maya held up the book, grinning. "It's time for your first reading lesson."

He stared at her, not quite believing it. "You learned Truxican in _three days?_ "

" _Sólo lo básico_ ," she replied glibly. She shrugged. "Honestly, I kind of cheated a little. Truxican turned out to be an offshoot of one of the dead languages I know. It made the process easier."

Salvador still looked doubtful. "Prove it."

" _Cómo? ¿Quieres hablar del tiempo?_ "

"Nope, talking weather is too easy." He tapped the book. "Read some of that."

Maya grinned and opened the book. " _Lamadme Ismael. Hace unos años- no importa cuánto hace exactamente- teniendo poco o ningún dinero en el bolsillo, y nada en particular que me interesara en tierra-_ "

"Stop, stop, I get it," Salvador laughed. He smiled at her, the first time Maya could remember seeing that expression on him without some kind of bloodlust or exhilaration behind it. "You really learned Truxican for me?"

"And now I'm really going to teach you to read English," Maya promised. "We can work on it every day after you're finished lifting weights with Axton." She turned the book around and pushed it towards him. "Maybe once you've learned enough, you can teach _me_ the finer points of reading Truxican. Sound good?"

"Sounds good," Salvador agreed. He glanced down at the page. "Now, what's an Ishmael?"

* * *

"Here's what I don't get about Ahab," Salvador said, sighting down the gun range. "He's out for revenge against this big fish thing-"

"Whale," Maya corrected, taking aim with her sniper rifle. "Fish don't breathe air, among other things."

"Whatever. My point is, he wants to kill the" he grinned "big swimming thing, and he _knows_ it likes to ram boats."

"So?"

"So why don't he just load one of the little boats with gunpowder and blow it up when the thing tried to eat it? It's what I'd do." The SMG in his hands rattled off a burst of fire.

Maya waited until Salvador's shots ended before she answered. "Well, a ship like the _Pequod_ wouldn't have been able to carry enough gunpowder for something like that," she pointed out. "You're right about Ahab not doing it right, though. Revenge is no good if it gets you killed at the same time."

"No kiddin'," Salvador grunted. "So how would _you_ kill the big fishy?"

" _Whale._ " Maya fired a few rounds as she pondered the question. "You're on the right track with explosives," she finally said. "I think it's just your scale that's off. I'd have attached charges to to the harpoons and let a few blasts next to the thing's skull do the work for me."

"Huh." Salvador seemed to think it over. "That could work. Not a big enough boom for me, but if that's your thing-"

"It's not about the _boom_ ," Maya insisted, setting her rifle aside and turning to face Salvador. "It's about getting _satisfaction_. The biggest explosion in existence is pointless if you don't use it effectively."

"Torgue might have problem with that," Salvador chuckled.

"Torgue's explosions don't interest me," Maya said flatly. "Flashy, random things that get the job done with exactly _zero_ finesse." She scooped up her sniper rifle and took a bead on the target. "I get more pleasure out of a single well-placed bullet than hundreds of clumsy detonations." To underscore her point, she fired and pierced the bull's eye perfectly.

"Guess you don't think much of me then, huh?"

Maya glanced down, surprised by Salvador's rather wounded tone. "What? Why would you think that?"

" _I_ sure don't use fine-ess," he pointed out. "I just _go_. Too sloppy and unskilled for ya?"

"There's a difference between your gunplay and Torgue's blasts," Maya said, putting her rifle down again and thinking quickly. "Torgue just loves seeing things go up in smoke. He'd watch things blow up for hours, not caring if anyone _else_ had any fun as long as he got what he wanted.

" _You_ like actually _doing_ something with your weapon. If you walk out of an encounter without taking care of _everyone_ , you'd be disappointed in yourself." She smiled. "And let me tell you, in all the times I've been with you at the end, I've _never_ been let down by your performance."

"Aw." To her amazment, Salvador went a little red. "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about my 'performance'." He grinned up at her. "You look pretty good out there, too."

Maya shrugged casually. "I do my best."

"No, really!" Salvador enthused. "The way you move, the things you can do- mm! It's enough to drive a man _loco!_ "

Maya could feel her own face warming. "I'm just using my natural assets."

"Let me tell you, _chica,_ you got some _fantástico_ assets," Salvador said fervently. "Me, I just got good tools."

"Well, you use your tools at least as well as I use my assets," Maya laughed. "Whenever it was just you and me out there, we always played well off each other."

"You _are_ good at keepin' me up and going hard," Salvador said.

"And you make sure a lady's efforts don't go unrewarded," Maya offered. "No denying it, we're just good together."

"Secret to a happy relationship," Salvador said cheerfully, pulling a shotgun. "Keep both halves satisfied."

"You know what would make me _really_ satisfied?" Maya smiled at him. "Blowing the _crap_ out of stuff."

"Let's do it, _chica!_ "

Some time later, Zero stared at the mess Salvador and Maya had left behind in the gun range and could only shake his head. "Ugh, seriously? Some people will just shoot off _Wherever_ they want."

* * *

Salvador stared at the clear liquid in the decanter. "I... I can't believe you did this."

Maya shrugged modestly and clapped an arm around Gaige's shoulders. "Be sure to thank _her._ Gaige is the one that designed the still."

"Yeah, but it was _your_ idea in the first place," Gaige argued. She grinned wickedly at Axton. " _I_ was just gonna let you two _suffer._ "

"Yeah, yeah, you're mean and awesome at the same time," Axton said rapidly. "Now start _pourin'_ the stuff already!"

Maya laughed and picked up the decanter. "Cross your fingers." She poured an inch of liquid into each of the seven glasses on the tray. "Gaige, did you call the others?"

"Krieg's on his way," Gaige said, nodding. "I think Zero wanted to finish a bullet painting first, and Cassidy is setting the ship to autopilot."

Maya paused. "She can't drink, can she?"

"It's a social event," Gaige pointed out, shrugging. "Besides, it's our ship and our rules. No such thing as underage."

"No, I meant-"

"Oh, stop yakking and gimme!" Axton snatched the closest cup and lifted it his mouth-

"Hold it!" Maya clapped her hand over the glass before he could take a sip. The liquid sloshed against her fingers, setting her skin tingling slightly.

"Maya, what the hell?!"

"It's _Salvador's_ family recipe," Maya said with exaggerated patience. "He should get the first taste."

Salvador grinned at her. "Hey, thanks, _chica_."

Axton glowered at both of them, but set his glass down. "Well, hurry up and drink, then!" he growled. "If I get any drier I'm gonna turn into sand."

Salvador picked up another glass and sniffed at it delicately. "Ooo, _that'll_ singe the nose hairs off." He looked at Gaige. "Where'd you get the stalker venom?"

"Had to fake it," Gaige said, a little apologetically. "But Maya and Cassidy helped me figure out the chemical makeup, so I think it's pretty close."

He shrugged. "Guess we'll find out!" He threw his head back, and the clear liquid vanished down his throat.

Maya found her stomach tensing slightly as she waited for the verdict. "Well? How did we do?"

Salvador licked his lips a few times, eyes shut as he contemplated. "Hmm... it's a little cleaner than _abuela_ makes. No rust or wood from the rain barrel. Other than that..." he opened his eyes, grinned, and shoved his glass forward. "That is _awesome!_ "

Gaige laughed and threw up her hand. "Lay it on me, sister!"

Maya slapped Gaige's palm before grinning at Axton. "Drink up, soldier."

Axton seized his own glass and slammed the liquid down greedily. A second later, he was coughing his lungs out as the drink burned its way down his throat. "Holy _crap-!_ "

Salvador joined in the laughter and pounded Axton on the back. "Little better than mouthwash, _no?_ "

Axton coughed another few times before he could answer. "I've drunk _jet fuel_ weaker than that!" he finally gasped out. "Your family _makes_ this?"

"I was _raised_ on it," Salvador chuckled, taking another gulp. "Gets your fires going, doesn't it?"

Axton squinted across the table. "It's doing _something._ " He pointed unsteadily at Gaige. "When did you get a twin shishter?"

Gaige folded her arms and shot him a semi-amused glare. "Come on, nothing works _that_ fast."

"Oh, no?" Axton grinned and shoved a glass towards her. "Try your own poishon, witch."

"Don't mind if I do." Gaige scooped up the cup and gave it a small sip.

Maya covered her mouth to restrain her laughter as Gaige doubled over, coughing at the strength of the drink. She shook her head and took a seat next to Salvador. "How did you just drain that first glass like that?"

"Years and years of practice," he laughed. "You gonna try it?"

Maya's eyes were already watering from the smell of the liquor. "In a bit," she hedged. "I can already tell this is a _lot_ stronger than the monastery's wine."

" _Wine?_ " Axton demanded sloppily. "You grew up in a place they made _wine?_ "

"And beer, and a couple other rare spirits," she admitted. "They were monks. You can only pray and meditate for so long before you start getting bored. They had their own version of martial arts, _countless_ hand-illuminated holy books-"

"And they made wine, too?"

"That's right."

Gaige grinned dizzily as she took another small drink. "Ya help 'em?"

"Half my chemistry lessons were in the brewery," Maya reminisced. She grinned conspiratorially. "Those monks always tended to be a little _happier_ than the others. It made them willing to share the fruits of their labors with the little girl doing her schoolwork."

"I never got wine," Salvador said. "It's fruit, right? How do you make booze from fruit?"

"Clearly you've never had good wine," Maya said loftily. "I'll put a fine vintage against any other intoxicant. It's not just about getting drunk, it's about enjoying the drink."

"Well, there's no grapes on board, and I din't build the still so you could stay _sober,_ " Gaige said. She sounded a little irritated and a _lot_ blurrier. She poured a large slosh of liquid into Maya's already half-filled glass. "Drink!"

Maya took a look at the glass with something very close to nervousness. "Gaige, that's a _lot_ of-"

"Oh, don't be such a wush!" Axton slurred. "Drink! Drink! _Drink!_ "

Gaige picked up the chant, pounding her fist on the table in time with the words. Maya looked at Salvador for help, but he only grinned held up his own cup as if to say, _you made it, you drink it._

Steeling her resolve, Maya seized her glass, raised it to her lips, and threw her head back.

Tears leaked from her eyes as the liquid stung her throat, leaving a searing trail down into her stomach. Maya somehow managed to choke down most of the glass before her body rebelled, making her explode into a fit of coughing and gasping for air. Over the noise of her own hacking, she caught the sound of applause and enthusiastic cheers.

" _Thatta_ girl!" Axton bellowed. He chugged down another mouthful and shook his head like a dog with water in its ears. "Knew you could handle it!"

"Nothing to it." Maya was mostly able to make the words light and casual, despite the blaze in her stomach and throat. "Pretty tasty, actually."

Gaige grabbed the decanter around the neck and managed to refill the glasses without spilling too much. "Time for round two, then!"

Maya did what she could to keep her intake lower than the others- her first drink had been almost triple theirs, after all. Even so, by the time Krieg joined them a few minutes later, the ship felt like it was doing lazy spins underneath her. By the time Zero and Cassidy walked onto the mess decks, she was dizzy with her tongue loose enough to complain about it to their pilot.

"I'm _not_ bein' unrasin- unrassen- dumb!" she griped. "I just wan' you to flatten the thing!"

Cassidy looked at Maya helplessly. "I _still_ don't see what you're saying! What thing?"

"Tha'!" Maya stabbed her finger at the floor. "Make it stop!"

"Stop _what?!_ " she asked in desperate confusion. "What's _wrong_?"

"Th' floor keeps _moving!_ " Maya complained. "Here, look!" She staggered to her feet, holding onto the table for support. "See! I almost fell!"

"Ahhhhh, yer just tipsy!" Gaige snickered, sloshing her drink. She giggled and leaned an arm on Cassidy's shoulders. "Don't blame my little girl 'cause yer off balance!"

"It's _totally_ the thingy!" Maya protested, her sense of self-assuredness fueled by Pandoran alcohol. Her eyes fell on the table- "Here, I'll prove it!"

Salvador raised an eyebrow as Maya began to climb up her chair. "Uh, _chica,_ what're you-"

"Provin' my point!" Maya staggered to the tabletop, swaying uneasily. "Now, Sal." She gave him the most serious look she could muster. "You've seen me in the gym. I've got _great_ balance, right?"

He hid his mouth behind his glass as he looked up at her. "Yeah, that's true."

Maya wobbled as the table twitched underneath her. "So if I can't stand still on _this,_ something's wrong wit' the _room_!"

"Flawless change!" Krieg bellowed, pumping his fist in the air. He'd already burned through at least as much of the home brew as Maya. "It could only be forty-two!"

"You're _extremely_ drunk," Zero said flatly. "You should get off the table Before you fall off."

"Ah, bull!" Axton crowed. "She ain't had more'n me, and I'm not drunk!"

:] "If you say so, pal."

"I... have... _perfect_... balance," Maya insisted as she tried not to tip over. "If the room wasn't spinnin', I could _dance_ up here!"

Krieg's chuckle sounded like a bag of rocks being shaken. " _There's_ a video worth saving!"

"No _way!_ " Gaige scoffed. She had managed to pull Zero and Cassidy into chairs and was currently laying across both their laps, staring up at Maya from her back. "You don't dance! You're too _serious_ to dance!"

Maya felt a surge of anger. "I am _not!_ I'm a great dancer!"

"Are too!" Gaige tipped her head. "I mean, are not! Aren't too!"

Salvador cleared his throat. "Here's an easy way to settle both questions," he offered casually. "Go ahead and dance, Maya."

"But-" Maya suddenly tipped and almost fell to the floor. "The room's still spinning!"

"Nah," Salvador assured her. "Cassie went ahead and stopped it when you weren't looking." He grinned at Cassidy. "Didn't ya, _pilota?_ "

Cassidy looked at Zero, who shrugged, then back to Salvador, who grinned wider. "Um...yes?"

"Oh!" Maya straightened up, her balance returning. The table _did_ feel more stable. "Well...okay, then..."

"So go ahead and dance," he encouraged. " 'Less you're too drunk."

" _Or_ serious!" Gaige piped up.

Maya pouted down at Gaige's smirking face. "I'll show _you_ too serious, kid!"

It wasn't the most graceful performance of her life, and a time or two Maya was certain Cassidy shook the room a little just to mess with her. Even so, her enthusiasm seemed to make up for whatever might have been lacking. A few minutes into her efforts, Krieg was cheering at the top of his lungs, Salvador had started very fast music playing over the room's speakers, and even Gaige was laughing her head off as Maya finished off with a handstand on the table.

Thirsty at the end of her routine, Maya took another slug of clear, sweet, Pandoran liquor. Then, feeling even more playful, she pushed two tables together for more space and grabbed both Krieg and Salvador's arms. "Come on, boys! Dance wit' me!"

Things got more than a little foggy after that.

Maya wasn't sure how long it was before her senses started to return. What she _did_ know was that her stomach was cramping viciously while she coughed over some kind of bowl.

"Take it easy, Maya. Get it all out."

Maya finally stopped retching and looked towards the sound of the voice with bleary eyes. "Sal? Tha' you?"

"It's me." He smiled weakly. "Thought you might need a little help."

Maya's eyes drifted to the porcelain basin currently housing the remains of her hard-won, _very_ effective Pandoran brew. "Uuuugh..."

Salvador made a choking noise, as if he were smothering a laugh. "Yeah, that's goin' around right now. Cassie's with Gaige, and Zero's pullin' double duty with Ax and Krieg."

"You _bastard_ ," Maya groaned. "I blame you for every _second_ of- mmph!" She dove for the toilet again.

She felt his fingers the back of her neck as he kept her hair clear. "I earned it," Salvador admitted, his voice a mixture of pity and barely controlled amusement. "Besides, after that floor show, I owe you a couple."

"Oh, god _damn._ " Maya wiped her mouth shakily and rested her forehead on the toilet rim. "Sal?" she asked after a moment of silence. "You know how my favorite thing in the galaxy is revenge?"

Even in her current state of mind, she caught his nervous gulp. " _Si_..."

She managed to fix one hazy eye on him and glared with all the force she could muster. "You need to be running before _I_ can."

* * *

"What are we watchin'?"

"One of my favorites," Maya said, rifling through the holographic movie list. "A former slave goes after the people that wronged him, then chases after his lost wife. Revenge, love, and gunfights." She winked at Salvador. "It's got everything."

"A favorite, huh?" Salvador settled back on the lounge sofa, a tub of popcorn next to him. "This mean you forgive me for the whole home brew thing?"

Maya groaned slightly and offered a wry smile. "It wasn't _your_ fault. _I'm_ the one that got the recipe and asked Gaige to make the still. Besides, you didn't shove a funnel in my mouth. I made my own decisions, I had to live with the consequences."

Salvador held up a small object and shook it so she could hear the sloshing inside."So you'll have a drink with me, then?"

She glared at him as her stomach tightened reflexively. "I willthrow you out the airlock if you bring that flask within six _inches_ of me!"

"Got it, _chica._ " Salvador took a quick swallow and tucked it away. "So, revenge, gunfights, and _romance_? Thought you didn't go for that last one."

"I don't _know_ much about traditional romance," Maya admitted, sitting on the other side of the popcorn basin. "I've picked up a few things since Pandora, though. Besides, this isn't romance, it's love."

"There's a difference?"

"As far as I can tell, romance is a way to get you to spend money," Maya shrugged. "Love is when all you want is to share everything with someone else. Their triumphs, their failures... everything, so long as you're with each other."

"Huh." Salvador scratched his head. "Never thought of it like that. Pick that up from books, too?"

Maya gave a non-committal grunt and hit play. "I certainly didn't get it from my own relationships."

"What, you mean Krieg? I thought you shot him down before it got serious."

Maya was silent as the movie began to play, trying to let the dialogue fill the sudden, awkward gap in the conversation.

Salvador, however, wasn't backing down so easily. "I mean, _he_ didn't buy stuff for you, but he always had your back."

"So did Axton," Maya pointed out instantly. "So did Zero, Gaige, _you..._ " she shrugged. "We helped each other, that's all."

"You _know_ that ain't the same, _chica_."

"Look, why does this matter?" Maya demanded, pausing the film and shooting him a low-strength glare. "Can't we just watch the movie?"

"I'm just sayin', you two have been dancin' around each other a long time now," Salvador pointed out. "You both flirt, you get along, you kissed him once or twice..." he grinned "...and I _know_ you caught an eyeful a week or so back."

Maya was glad the lights were low. The dark masked the sudden inferno in her cheeks.

"Here's what I don't get," Salvador continued. "With all that, how come you turned him down at that wedding Moxxi set up?"

"First of all, even _I_ know you don't up a relationship's status at a _wedding,_ "Maya said frostily. "That's just cheating."

"If you say so. What else? I can tell there's more."

Maya bit her lip, hesitating.

"Is it the whole _loco_ thing?"

"No!" She paused. "Not really. I mean, I know that _would_ have an impact on things, but it's not why I didn't want to start...dating, or whatever it would have been."

"So why?"

Maya was quiet for a long minute. "The same reason I haven't started a relationship with anyone else," she finally said. "The same reason I'm not sure I _will_ start relationship with anyone else."

Salvador blinked. "What, you mean like... _ever?_ "

Maya sighed. "It's _really_ complicated, Sal."

"So explain it," Salvador said, a trace of irritation in his voice. "You taught me to read English, I think you can talk me through... whatever it is."

She chewed on her lip a little longer. "Not tonight." It was half iron-clad statement, half pleading request. "We'll be at the new Vault planet tomorrow. Once we're done there, if you still want to know, I'll explain everything. To you _and_ Krieg, if he wants to hear it."

Salvador inhaled slowly, then nodded. "Okay, blue eyes. Deal." He forced a grin and turned back to the paused movie. "Now, let's play this thing. I wanna see the awesome stuff."

Maya smiled and restarted the film. "Revenge _is_ pretty awesome."

" _Si._ " Salvador reached for the popcorn, and his fingers just barely grazed over Maya's. "But it's not the _only_ awesome thing out there."

"You mean guns?" Maya's hand shifted slightly, but didn't entirely pull away.

"Nah. Books." Salvador grinned at the surprised look on her face. "I kinda like readin' these days."

She laughed softly. "I never expected to hear that from you."

He shrugged. "Six weeks can cover a lot of ground." His smile shifted towards the teasing end of the spectrum. "Besides, I found one in the library that was _loads_ of fun. _The Dangerous Temptations of the Pink Flower._ " His grin widened."I think you know it."

Maya's entire body felt like it had been dunked in freezing lava as her mind zipped treacherously to her nightstand. "Absolutely not. Never heard of it."

"Really?" He just kept _smirking_ at her. "Huh. Guess the library computer got things wrong."

"Computers make mistakes," Maya said, striving for a normal tone of voice. "Let's just watch the movie, okay?" A thought occurred- "Unless you'd like to discuss the message you got from your _abuela_ a few weeks back? She wrote something about how one time you got _phenomenally_ drunk and entered a greased skag catching competition...?"

That smirk was gone _now_. "How did you-"

"Computers. Just can't trust them." Maya smirked. "I thought the best part was how instead of just _catching_ the skag, you actually-"

" _Yup._ Movie. Great idea."

* * *

[Apologies to any actual Spanish speakers out there. Thanks for reading!]


End file.
